


Change in Weather

by ladyugh, wordyanansi



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eventual Bellarke, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-03-14 00:41:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 41,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3402140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyugh/pseuds/ladyugh, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordyanansi/pseuds/wordyanansi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If there is something Clarke Griffin knows, it is that if it seems to good to be true, then it probably is. Trapped in Mount Weather without knowing the fate of Bellamy, Finn, or Raven, Clarke is realising that there are too many dots that just don't connect. Mount Weather is full of secrets, and she's going to find out what they are. </p><p>With the help of Miller, Monty, and Harper, she's going to bring the Mountain down. </p><p>Canon Divergence after Miller's arrival at Mount Weather. Instead of doing it all herself, Clarke turns to the others for help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

Clarke supposes that she ought to be grateful. At least, that’s how President Wallace is selling it, and it’s what her people seem to be buying. _We saved you. We’re safe, clean, and not hungry._ Clarke tries not to scowl. She grew up in the best conditions on the Ark and it wasn’t up to these standards, but she’s learned that anything that seems too good to be true probably is. A place like this has to have secrets. Why did the Mountain Men come for them? Why did they wait until after she’d killed 300 Grounders… and lost over half her people? If they were a day earlier, if they really were saving them, if Bellamy had just stopped fighting and come back… There were too many what ifs and not enough proven facts.

Finn would have told her to relax and enjoy it. Bellamy would be standing beside her right now, scowling suspiciously with her. She looked around the common room, watched her people interacting with the Mountain Men. They looked so… happy. Carefree. She sighed. It didn’t feel right. She glanced over at Jasper and Maya. She’d thought he would have had her back. But he was the one calling her crazy. Somehow, the boy whose life had been the first she’d saved letting her down stung more deeply than she’d been expecting. She glanced around at the people, and noted the guards on the doors. The cameras in the corners. No, something wasn’t right here. And she was going to find out what it was.

“It doesn’t feel right, does it?” a voice interrupted her contemplation and she started, glancing over her shoulder. Miller. _You should keep him close, they listen to him,_ Bellamy had said. _Kick the asshole out_ , Miller had said. Clarke chewed the inside of her lip slightly, pausing before she spoke.

“It really doesn’t,” she replied. Miller looked at her, eyes roving over her face, looking for something. Clarke didn’t flinch.

“He’d agree with you, you know,” Miller says after a moment. “He’d think it was too good to be true.” She didn’t need to ask who he was talking about, so she simply nodded in response. He was still looking at her carefully.

“He also probably wouldn’t forgive me for not having your back,” he adds, another moment later. Clarke raises her eyebrows.

“Bellamy and I are not exactly best friends, Miller,” she says, present tense, but he shakes his head, dismissing her.

“No, you were more than that. You were a team. I’m just saying, if you need help with whatever crazy plan you’re going to cook up, you let me know. I’m in,” he states, like it’s obvious she’s going to have a crazy plan. It’s the past tense that’s getting to her though, and he won’t stop using it. She tries to force away the pin pricks in the back of her eye. But he notices, and she wonders if anyone else would have.

“I miss him too,” he says simply, before walking away and sitting down beside Harper and Monty, who are playing some kind of card game with a teenager from inside the Mountain. He doesn’t look back at her, but she watches him for a while anyway, considering. Bellamy told her to trust him, to keep him close. She set her jaw. His word was good enough for her. She could honour him in this, at least. Clarke considered for another moment before deciding. She’d need him, and all the help she could get if she was going to uncover the truth.

Clarke stood and walked over to where he was sitting with Harper and Monty, placing a hand on Miller’s shoulder and leaning down to speak so only they could hear. She tried not to look at the guards tracking her with their eyes.

“Pretend you’re happy and this is normal,” Clarke instructed quietly. Miller smirked, Monty looked confused, but Harper just smiled. She had a moment of appreciation for the girl, she’d not previously spent much time with her.

“We _are_ happy,” Monty offered. Clarke fought back the urge to roll her eyes.

“Something’s not right here and I’m going to find out what it is. Meeting later in the dorm?” Clarke asks, but her tone of voice makes it clear that it’s not a question. Miller and Harper nod their assent quickly, Bellamy’s soldiers, but Monty takes longer, and his nod is slower. “You guys are the ones I trust. I don’t want to tell the others yet.”

“I’ve got your back,” Miller says, repeating his earlier sentiment. Clarke feels a warmth in her chest. It’s the first time since she got here she’s actually felt something as a sensation. She smiles before leaving, quirks her lips really, and is rewarded by another smirk from Miller, and smiles from Monty and Harper. As she moves back to her chair and the binder with more questions than answers, Clarke is grateful that she’s not alone.

 

The meeting was not going well.

“Look, I don’t want anything to do with this and I really wish you’d just stop. You’re going to make trouble for us, Clarke. I actually like it here,” Jasper said forcefully. Clarke glared at him from the next bunk. There were five of them, sitting on adjacent bottom bunks, talking at under the ambient room noise. Miller, Harper, Monty, and Jasper: these were the people Clarke trusted. To be fair, she hadn’t exactly invited Jasper, but he and Monty usually came as a package deal.

“If you don’t want to be involved, then move along, Jordan,” Miller suggested. Clarke threw him an appreciative look. He tried not to feel so appreciated, but it was a losing battle. There was a reason Bellamy had called her a princess. Bellamy’s princess, he reminded himself. Not that he’d ever actually done anything about it, not that he was probably alive… Miller forced himself to let that train of thought go and focus on the conversation in front of him.

“You need to stop encouraging her, stop this. It’s safe here. Stop looking for enemies among friends,” Jasper tried. Clarke scowled.

“Didn’t know President Wallace was such a great ventriloquist,” she said in a tone that sounded casually idle but was fooling no one. Jasper winced.

“I’m not going to turn you in if I don’t have to. So don’t make me have to,” Jasper said before giving up and leaving their group. Monty looked conflicted like he wanted to go after him, but decided to stay.

“I should go after him,” he says, pitifully. Clarke shakes her head.

“He won’t turn us in unless he catches us doing something really bad,” she says. She sounds tired suddenly, and Miller knows this is when Bellamy would call her ‘princess’ and make a sarcastic comment to get a rise out of her. But he’s not Bellamy.

“Clarke, you know I’m 100% on your side, but I just… Jasper might have a point. Things have been good here. I know it’s not the same without Finn and Bellamy and Raven... I’m not arguing with you I’m just… asking,” Monty says after a moment, looking heartbroken to be questioning her. Clarke’s eyes flash and her jaw tightens.

“I know you all think I’m just some privileged princess who had it good on the Ark and I just want to stay in charge of everything. But can I remind you I was locked up for treason? I know a thing or two about secrets, and I’m telling you this place has them in spades and it’s dangerous. I’m not going to feel safe here until we know the truth about this place. And honestly, I don’t think you should feel safe either. They timed our capture perfectly, all the survivors in one place, gassed us and took us here. And where is Anya? I haven’t seen her anywhere. They have guards on the doors in every room we enter and there are cameras everywhere, probably microphones too. And these people are twitchy, I don’t trust them. And they’ve done nothing to prove me wrong. So yes, I miss the others, and I want them not to be dead. And yes, I get that things seem fine here. But things seemed fine on the Ark too and they were lying to us. I’m trying to do the right thing here,” Clarke whispered fiercely. Monty looked suitably chastened, and Harper’s mouth had formed a small ‘o’. Miller was pretty sure he had a small smile on his face. Clarke was terrifying it was true, but she was also incredibly impressive.

“I’m with you,” he said when no one spoke. She glanced at him with something like gratitude in her eyes. He shrugged in response.

“Me too,” sighed Monty. “You’re right; there are things that don’t fit.” Harper nodded.

“I’m in too. I don’t like the way they look at us,” she added. Clarke smiled at them in a way that wasn’t really a smile, her lips rolling inwards, quirking up slightly in the corners, but her eyes shining.

“So, what’s the plan?” Monty asks after a moment. Her smile twitches and disappears, and she pulls the welcome binder out from behind her.

“Well to start with, this map doesn’t have any exits on it. And I’m pretty sure it’s not complete. We need to start filling out this map,” Clarke explained. “The uncharted areas are probably where we will find answers. And we need a way out. Just in case.” Miller nodded, thoughtfully

“Most of the doors have key card access,” Monty said after a moment. Harper shook her head.

“Not a problem. I can do a lift,” Harper said affirmatively. Miller noted gratefully he wasn’t the only one swivelling to look at her in shock. Harper shifted uncomfortably, but gave a small smile. “Pickpocket,” she admitted, the positive tone replaced with something closer to shame. Clarke, however, rewarded her with an approving look, and Miller could swear she almost blushed. Clarke had that effect on people. Also, it was probably the only time she’d ever been told her skills were valuable.

“And for the doors that don’t, I’m pretty good with a lock,” Miller supplied. Clarke’s lips quirked up at him, and he couldn’t help but feel a rush of pride in his criminal activities.

“Well, looks like you and I are going to be spending a bit of time together then, Miller,” she says, sounding pleased. Miller smiled at her without thinking. This was going to be fun.

“So basically the plan is ‘let’s be criminals’?” Monty asked. Clarke chuckled.

“Got to play to our strengths,” Clarke offered. They were all grinning at each other now, stupidly happy to just be on a team together.

“Well, I bet you never thought treason would come in useful,” Miller smirked. Clarke glanced at him, grin disappearing from her face, and he wondered if he’d done something wrong. But she just considered his words.

“No,” she says after moment, still looking at him, considering. “I don’t suppose I did.” She looks like she wants to say more, but she cuts her gaze away suddenly, turning to Harper.

“How long until you can lift a key card?” she asks Harper. She considers it for a moment.

“Next meal time, I’ll swipe it off a guard,” she offers. Clarke nods.

“Alright. Then tomorrow afternoon, let’s go exploring,” she says, her voice becoming a question. Miller nods once, and sensing the meeting is adjourned, gets up to walk away, followed by Harper and Monty, but Clarke stays there, getting absorbed in the map. He glances over his shoulder at her, and he can tell that she thinks no one is looking, because for the first time since he met her she looks truly broken. But not beaten, he decides after a moment, letting Fox tug him into the seat next to her to learn to play a card a game. And that is what he likes most about her. Clarke Griffin might look like a princess, but she’s never truly beaten.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring the beginning of an arrangement between two consenting parties, a little awkwardness, and a touch of guilt.

It starts with a door.

Clarke has convinced him, glint in her blue eyes, to follow her down a hallway hidden by a door that isn’t on the map. It had been four days since they’d had their meeting and Harper had slipped Clarke a key card excitedly. Miller had been waiting for this, wondering when it would happen. That glint… it excited him. The adrenaline rush was instantaneous, and they hadn’t even done anything yet. He followed her, of course he followed her.

They were walking down a hallway, almost creeping, when she stopped suddenly, and looked at him.

“You told me to close the door,” she says, out of nowhere. He freezes, wondering what’s coming next. Her eyes aren’t hard like he’s expecting. “Do you feel guilty?” The follow up question throws him again, he was expecting an accusation, not the sadness in her voice. He looks away and swallows awkwardly.

“I don’t think about it. Bellamy would have told me to close the door, to get you safe and do it. It was time. I wish he’d been on the other side of the door. But that’s not how it went,” he replies quietly after a moment. She makes a small humming noise, and he knows she’s thinking about what he’s said, but he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. He keeps walking past her, some of the hesitancy out of his step, just looking around.

“I think you’re right,” Clarke says after a moment, her voice low and huskier than normal. Something was different, and Miller couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He looked up, scanning the place where the walls met the roof. He scanned the length of the hallway, up and down, left and right. He could still hear Clarke’s voice, but he wasn’t listening anymore.

“There aren’t any cameras here,” Miller realises aloud. He sees Clarke whirl around, completing the same examination. He expects her to say something obvious, but instead she just smirks at him.

“Knew you’d come in handy, Miller,” she says, almost taunting him, and he can’t help but grin back. They stand there, in the whitest hallway he thinks he’s ever seen grinning at each other. He feels a strange rush of pride at the fact he was useful to her. He opens his mouth to say something, but he’s not sure what it’s going to be yet, and the words don’t come. He’s interrupted by the sound of heavy boots squeaking on the shiny floor, and men talking. They both look in the direction they’ve come from, and then to where they’re going, uncharted territory with nowhere to hide. Then back at each other, except this time, they aren’t smiling.

He sees the steel in her eyes and her jaw when she comes up with a plan, but he’s not ready to be comforted by it. He’s been caught before, and he knows how this feels, and in short, it’s really not good. The sick feeling in his gut is starting and his heart isn’t beating in rhythm.

“Do you trust me?” Clarke asks him suddenly, grabbing his hand and leading him toward her as she steps backwards against the wall. In that moment, he doesn’t know. He knows Bellamy trusted her and that he’s meant to. But he remembers she wouldn’t let him kill Anya and she hesitated closing the door and for all her steel he’s not sure she’s got what it takes to make the hardest choices. His mind is flashing, whirling a million miles an hour. She tugs on his hand, just once, and his eyes snapped to hers. And then there is only one answer:

“Yes.” He watches her swallow, and nod her head once.

“Then kiss me,” she says, like she’s asking him to do something normal or sane… he can’t even think of anything that might be, but she tugs his arm, hard, and he stumbles forward into her space and she’s pressed up against the wall. Her hand releases his and she places her left hand on his neck, dragging his face to hers, and her right hand on his waist. She arches her body in to him as their lips meet. He stops thinking. His mind is as clean and white as the hallway they are standing in, and he doesn’t understand how his hands have found themselves on her hips, pressing her both down to the floor, grounding her, and forward, pressing her against him. His mouth is pressing against hers, and she’s pressing back harder, more insistently. He’s not sure what’s happening, and he can’t think about anything except the heat of her against him.

 

It feels like minutes, but it’s probably more like seconds, before they’re interrupted.

“Hey! What are you doing here? You aren’t meant to be here,” an angry male voices demands, and Miller breaks away from her, stepping back, lips swollen and confusion clear in his eyes. Clarke smiles, biting her lip.

“Sorry, sir, we were just looking for some… privacy,” she says, and combs her hair behind her ear. She’s made her voice sound soft and innocent, and Miller’s not sure how she managed it, she can tell, she’s not sure how she’s done it either. The guards exchange looks, clearly buying it, and she forces her smile not to turn victorious.

“This area is restricted, you can’t be back here. We’ll escort you back,” the other guard tells them.

“Right, sorry. Thanks,” Clarke says, forcing her voice to stay sweet. Miller is looking at her in disbelief, but she takes his hand anyway. “Come on, sweetheart,” she adds, looking at him meaningfully. He recovers then, shifting his grip to hold her hand, intertwining their fingers together.

“Sorry, babe, looks like I’m always getting you in trouble,” Miller manages, smirking. Clarke can’t hold back a small laugh, and she’s glad that the look the guards share is one that says ‘can you believe these two lovebirds’ and not ‘they aren’t fooling anyone’. They walk hand in hand, following the guards back the way they’d come. She sees Miller out of the corner of her eye, scanning the join between the roof and the walls for cameras they might have missed on the way in, and he’s playing it off as embarrassed and being caught. Grateful, is the word, she thinks, she’s so grateful for him being there, for playing along, for staying smart. Bellamy was right, she should keep him close. And she planned to.

Out of the corner of her eye she noticed some venting shafts built into the walls, big enough to crawl through. She squeezed his hand to get his attention, and he turned his head, raising an eyebrow. She tilted her head toward the vent, arching her neck slowly, as if considering him from the side. His eyes hovered on her neck for a millisecond before flicking past her to the wall. She could tell the moment he saw it and understood, because he smirked and tapped her hand with his index finger. He flicked his eyes back to the join again. He catches her eye again twists her hand, and she knows that he means there are no cameras at all in this restricted hallway, isn’t that interesting?

The reach the door and the guards open it for them, standing by to let them pass. Just as the door is shutting, the younger of the two guards leans forward.

“You know, if you’re looking for some privacy, the gallery is generally a good choice,” he offers quietly, smiling, and then he’s gone and the door is closed. Clarke smiles slowly, looking at Miller.

“So,” she says after a moment. He raises his eyebrows, and shoots a glance to their joined hands. She sighs, and releases his hand. He smirks at her, and she rolls her eyes.

“That was fun,” Miller offers, and Clarke almost laughs. Almost. Instead, she pulls a face.

“Hey, it worked, didn’t it? But if you call me ‘babe’ again, I may have to hurt you,” she says. Miller grins wickedly.

“I was talking about the exploring,” he countered. Clarke scoffed.

“No,” she replied airily, with a confidence she wasn’t sure she felt, “you weren’t. But it doesn’t matter.” Miller shifted slightly, embarrassed. “But it was fun,” she adds, taking pity on him, and he looks less embarrassed. He nods.

“No cameras,” he says, and they turn to walk back towards the dorm. She nods.

“It’s a good observation. Also the vents. I wonder if we can use them to our advantage? And we’re going to need to find the gallery. If it offers privacy we can use that to our advantage, planning and privacy,” she’s talking out loud, quietly, sorting it out as she thinks. She’s grown used to this, planning in tandem and out loud.

“And if the gallery is only about privacy for couples?” Miller asks. “Gonna be suspicious if four of us appear together on the regular.” Clarke raises an eyebrow at him.

“Well then, we might just have to start dating,” she says thoughtfully. It’s a good cover. No one is going to question them sneaking around together if they’re meant to be in love. “Snooping isn’t snooping when you’re just looking for somewhere to make out in peace.” She senses Miller stiffen beside her, but his step doesn’t falter. She sighs, she’s too clinical. Bellamy was always better at people. “Sorry. I mean, are you dating someone already? Or is there someone you have your eye on?” Miller looks more uncomfortable than she’s ever seen him.

“No. I mean, there’s no one, but…,” he trails off. She wonders what he’s going to say next. _I want to date someone eventually? I don’t want to ever kiss you again? It’s too weird? It was too close, and I’m out?_ She tries not to sigh, but instead just waits for him to speak again. He coughs, frowning. “No, it’s a good cover. And it’s not like I hated kissing you.” Clarke snorts, more air coming out of her nose than sound.

“I didn’t hate kissing you either,” she offers, and Miller looks less uncomfortable, almost back to his normal, cool, quiet façade. He smirks again, she’s starting to wonder if he learned it from Bellamy, or if he’d always been a smirker. She swallows, bringing her mind back to the task.

“If we’re going to do this, the others are going to have to think we’re serious, that it’s not just a cover. There’s too many ways this can go wrong if people know,” Clarke says, after a moment of thinking about it. “Monty and Harper can know, I suppose.” Miller nods beside her.

“So tell me how it happened,” Miller says, and, again, the rush of grateful overtakes her. But she’s not quite sure what to say. In the end, it is easiest if it is close to the truth.

“It started here. We were reunited, there was something there, we started making out. We don’t announce it, but we don’t hide it. Small touches, secret looks, let them figure it out for themselves,” Clarke offers. Miller nods beside her.

“I can do that,” he says. There is a moment of silence, but it’s not uncomfortable, just thoughtful. Clarke is using it to run through possibilities of making this work, the best ways to sell it, to have it progress naturally, worrying it’s going to fall apart. She’s interrupted by a hand on her forearm, and she stops, turning to face him.

“I’ve got your back, Clarke,” Miller tells her, eyes firm on hers. Something inside her shivers, and she’s not sure why. She breathes out slowly, eyes fixed on his.

“Thank you,” she manages to reply. Her voice doesn’t come out like it should have; it’s weak and husky, but he nods, once, it gives her a strange feeling of solidarity. He releases her arm and falls back into step beside her, heading towards the dorm.

“So, what’s next?” he asks her, casually, as if they haven’t just agreed to start dating under false pretences. She shoves the thought aside.

“We check the map to find the gallery, and I’ll add the corridor to my map with the information we found. Then we sneak away to the gallery together and check it out. We need to keep track of the cameras. And we need to get back in that corridor. It’s clearly important, and they’re using patrols instead of cameras, which means they don’t even want their people to know what’s down there.” She’s planning out loud again, waiting for someone else to comment. But Miller is quiet beside her, nodding. They reach the dorm, and he still hasn’t said anything. She wants him to say something, anything. It feel strange not having that feedback, no Raven being sarcastic, no Bellamy telling her she’s crazy or that she’s right. She misses them with a dull ache and she wonders how it can feel this way when, if she counts the days, they haven’t even had a month together. The ground makes it different, she thinks. She’s never been so scared, so angry, so determined. Or so excited or in awe of anything. It’s not all bad. She misses their voices so much.

She’s retrieved back to reality with a shoulder bump from Miller. He gives her a look that is half concern, half smile.

“Showtime, princess,” he smirks at her. Her nose wrinkles.

“Don’t call me that,” she says before she thinks it through. His eyes widen, and thinks about it for a moment before nodding.

“Okay,” he says. “But eventually I’m going to have to call you something.” She nods.

“I know. But I think we can do better than someone else’s name, don’t you?” She means it is a challenge, but it comes out sounding tense and sad to her own ears. To his credit, Miller doesn’t flinch, just smirks again, taking it like she meant it. She smiles back, but she’s the first to look away, turning to the doors.

“Showtime,” she agrees, and they push open the doors and enter the dorm, side by side, but not touching.

 

It takes approximately four hours before Jasper drags her away from her seat one table over from where Miller is playing cards. They’d been glancing at each other, sitting close, but not next to each other throughout the social hours. They’d sat next to each other at lunch, shoulders grazing occasionally, whispering even less, talking to the people next to them instead. She thought it would have taken longer.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he hisses at her. Miller is watching her, concern in his face. She flicks her eyes to him and he stands, heading toward her. It wasn’t her intention, but she doesn’t know how to send him away.

“What do you mean?” she asks, confusion in her voice, but not a trace of innocence.

“Bellamy is still out there. And even if he’s not, it hasn’t even been a week,” Jasper hisses at her again. Clarke frowns at him.

“What does Bellamy have to do with anything?” she asks. His eyes narrow.

“You and Miller,” he bites out. She’s honestly shocked he’s so angry. But Miller is there now, standing beside them, leaning against the wall.

“You can let go of her now,” he says, his tone is light, but his eyes aren’t conversational. Jasper lets her go, but he doesn’t move away, looking between them.

“I can’t believe you two,” he says, disgust in his voice. “You were his best friend.” Miller’s jaw tightens.

“What? I’m not meant to hang out with the girl I like because Bellamy might be alive out there? Bellamy, who never made his move when he had the chance? You really are asking for me to hit you right now, aren’t you Jasper? And you have no idea what you’re talking about,” Miller snaps. Clarke is impressed, and she doesn’t keep it from her expression. It’s probably the longest string of words she’s ever heard him say, but it also adds authenticity to their little charade. Jasper is looking at her now, at her expression, in disbelief.

“Clarke. You know how he felt about you. And you… you felt it too,” Jasper tries. Clarke wonders if he’s right, if he did care about her as more than a co-leader, and she knows it’s true that she felt it. But he’s not here, and it’s a useless, stupid problem without an answer. _Because you know you love him,_ a small voice whispers in her head, but she shuts it down, like she always does.

“He’s not here, Jasper. And he never said anything. I don’t know how he feels. Miller, on the other hand, has been perfectly clear on the matter. You don’t know what you’re talking about, and it’s really none of your business,” Clarke replies, grit in her voice that comes more from shutting down her thoughts about Bellamy than from any conviction. Jasper shakes his head, but she can see the defeat in the slump in his shoulders. She does not think about the fact that everyone else is using past tense and she can’t bring herself to do the same.

“Whatever the hell you want,” Jasper said disgustedly, shaking his head and walking off.

Miller cut his eyes to her.

“That went well,” he offered. Clarke rolled her eyes.

“You did good,” she replied. He rolled his eyes.

“Thanks, boss,” he said. She raised her eyebrows at the nickname. He shrugged, pushing off the wall to go back to his card game.

“Trying some things out,” he said over his shoulder.

“Because ‘boss’ sounds super affectionate,” she dead panned, and she wondered if she only imagined his laughter, because it wasn’t there when he re-joined the card players.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jasper the Bellarke Fanboy is a favourite trope of ours, and there's no way our boy would be okay with these shenanigans.
> 
> Hey, they know where the line is. It's just a convenient cover story...


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monty and Harper become a team, Clarke sees some art, and Miller begins to understand why it's way too easy to fall in love with Clarke Griffin.

They only have about half an hour until lights out before the four of them manage to huddle together on adjacent bunk beds.

“Okay, so Miller and I found this corridor that isn’t on the map, and it has no cameras at all. I’m thinking that that’s where we are going to start to find some answers,” Clarke begins. She pulls the binder onto her lap and shows them her updated map. When she glances up, she notices that neither Monty nor Harper are paying the map any attention. She raises her eyebrows in a question, and doesn’t miss Miller’s smirk out of the corner of her eye.

“Because that’s the most interesting development that happened today,” Harper deadpans. Clarke rolls her eyes, but Miller’s smirk only increases. He’d expected this, she’d realised, and again, she’s too clinical. She sighs.

“We almost got caught today. Dating is a good cover story,” Clarke explains briefly. They don’t look like they believe her, but she’s not terribly keen to talk about it.

“So you’re not making out?” Harper asks. Monty looks incredibly uncomfortable, but also very interested in what Clarke has to say. Harper is not even trying to hide her curiosity.

“Only when it’s convenient for getting us out of trouble,” Miller replies, smirk still in place. Clarke rolls her eyes again. Monty’s eyes dance between them.

“So you are making out,” Harper tries, but Clarke shakes her head.

“It’s a good cover story, that’s all. We can get caught in places and say we were just looking for privacy. It’s a convenient lie. Now can we please get back to the map?” Clarke asks drily, and Harper nods with acceptance while Monty leans forward to look at the map.

“So, no cameras?” Monty questions thoughtfully. Clarke nods.

“The only places without cameras on the Ark I know about were the completely unimportant, the bathrooms, and the research labs in medical. And trust me, those research labs? That was a deliberate oversight so no one would accidentally find out what was going on. They’re also patrolling on foot. There are vents here, and here, and I think that they run the length of the corridor. I’m thinking that could be our best way in. The real concern is not getting caught by guards, or at least not the same guards. Gonna get suspicious real fast if Miller and I keep sneaking to the same restricted area we just got kicked out of,” Clarke explains, gesturing to the map. She glances up at Monty who looks thoughtful, and Harper, who’s frowning.

“I didn’t even know there were medical research labs,” Miller mutters beside her, running a hand over his short hair. She cuts him a look out.

“That’s kind of my point,” she replies, and he nods, getting it.

“We need the guard schedules,” Monty says after a moment. “Given the way they’re using tech, I’m assuming that it’s on databases like it was on the Ark. And I’m betting that their technology hasn’t changed much since the bombs either. I can probably hack in, if I can get somewhere with a computer.” Clarke nods thoughtfully, weighing the options. She doesn’t like the idea of anyone exploring alone. It would be too easy to get caught and things to go wrong, and she doesn’t like the idea of just not seeing one of them again because she was too clinical to take precautions. She doesn’t like the idea of not knowing, like she doesn’t know about Bellamy or Raven or Finn. In the end, she doesn’t have to suggest it.

“I’ll go with you. That way I can lift whatever key card we need and run interference. I’m a pretty good look out and distraction,” Harper suggests. Clarke smiles at her, grateful, again. She wonders where all this gratitude is coming from, because it wasn’t her constant companion in space, and it hasn’t been her experience on the ground either. But here, buried under Mount Weather, she’s constantly being overwhelmed by gratitude that these people are on her team, that they’re with her.

“Good. You guys get on that and Miller and I will try to find the gallery. A guard suggested it might offer a little more privacy, which may suit our purposes better than trying to have a private conversation in here,” she decides, setting the plans in her mind as achievable.

“What were you doing that needed privacy?” Monty asks, confused. Clarke prayed her cheeks didn’t colour as Harper laughed. She was about to answer when she caught Miller grinning out of the corner of her eye. She read his look to mean that some things are better left unsaid, and honestly, she really didn’t want to say it out loud. Not that she was embarrassed, just that… she didn’t know, but it didn’t seem like something you wanted to bring up while planning potentially treasonous explorations.

 

 

It is easier to pretend to be Clarke Griffin’s boyfriend than Miller would like. They have been playing this game for almost a week now, and he’s thoroughly enjoying it. Except, of course, for when they aren’t on display.

The day they wandered into the gallery, they’d been walking along hand in hand, bodies close together, right up until the door shut behind them. No cameras, no people. Just Miller and Clarke alone in a room with art. And he had not been expecting her gasp as she took in the art on the walls, or the way her face lit up with awe and peace. He’d never seen anyone look the way she did, drinking in the art work. He stayed near the door as she slowly circled the room, whispering.

“Van Gogh, Suerat, Cezanne, Toulouse-Lautrec…,” she whispers and he has no idea what those words mean (titles? Artists?) but he really wants to press his lips against hers and tell her that she’s beautiful. Which was not part of the plan.

“What are you talking about?” Miller asked, instead, trying to break the weird feeling in his stomach. She didn’t even turn to look at him.

“Artists. Post-Impressionists. This one is one of my favourites. And it’s here, like, I am actually looking at _Undergrowth with Couple_ in real life. I just, the brushstrokes… you can’t tell in a picture. I never thought I’d see them in real life,” Clarke says, she’s still whispering, wandering around, not looking at him, but she pauses at the painting she’s talking about, and her hand reaches out like she’s going to touch it, but she doesn’t. Miller tears his eyes away from her, and goes back to doing his job, looking around the room. There’s a door marked “Archive” and he figures that looks like the kind of place they should check out. He manages to say as much and he regrets it, because it pull Clarke out of her trance, and she’s all business again.

 

Turns out, the archive is really where the privacy is, and they stumble on to not one, but two couples making out. They’re rifling through the floor to ceiling shelving, wondering if they could hide their map here, when Clarke hears footsteps, and before he can react, he’s pressed against the shelving and it’s digging into his back, and she’s got her tongue in his mouth, body pressed eagerly against his, and he’s praying he doesn’t get an erection. They keep making out until the footsteps pass, and when the coast is clear, Clarke leans back, gives him a small smile, and goes back to what they were doing like nothing happened. He wonders if a person can give you whiplash.

 

Monty and Harper have turned into an amazing team of thieves, and regale them with stories about their most recent heist. Harper doing lifts, and flirting with male guards. Monty has tears in his eyes from laughter talking about this weird bending and snapping back up thing Harper did that meant he could walk right behind a guard without him noticing. And another time when she falls, deliberately, hands all over the man helping her up, falling again and again. Harper blushes slightly, but she’s proud of herself too. They’d found the guard schedules and Monty had even found some schematics on the hard drive that Clarke was trying to match up with the information they already have. Miller finds himself wanting to talk about what he and Clarke have been up to, the things that have happened. But he can’t, he just says the results, without a fun story, because he can’t bring himself to talk about kissing her like it’s nothing. It’s not nothing. But he’s still strangely jealous of Monty and Harper and all the fun they seem be having.

He hates himself for it because this started out as a way to honour Bellamy, and he doesn’t think the rebel leader is going to be thrilled when he finds out about all the kissing. Would be thrilled to find out about the kissing. If he’s alive. If he’s dead. He’s pretty sure that Clarke loved Bellamy, not like she’d loved Spacewalker, but in that way that meant they were just going to end up together one day and it would be forever. Sow all the wild oats you want, fight it all you want, some things are inevitable. He’s not a romantic, but he’s not opposed to the idea of falling in love. He’s pretty sure that for Clarke, he’s always going to be her second choice. And he’s worried, because he’s been worried since she suggested it, that he’s going to actually start falling for her. She kisses like she’s giving you part of herself and it’s not fair because it makes him want to do the same.

 

But the thing that gets him the most is not the way her hair falls over her face when she’s studying the map, or the way she presses the pencil to her lips in contemplation (never biting it, just pressing it there), or the way she smiles in that way that makes you think that you’re special and worthy and deserving or something. It is the way she can turn it off, just like that. That small smile of apology (is she sorry for kissing him?) and then back to business. Her breath never labors, her voice never shakes, and her hands never tremble. It’s not nothing to him, but he wonders how it could be anything else to her, because his breath always shakes and his hands always tremble. His hands have never trembled before, and it’s not a good development for a thief. But he keeps his voice, and when her eyes flash with doubt he repeats the words again and again, “I’ve got your back”, and the doubt disappears and she flashes a smile, and it seems like maybe, just maybe, he’s not the only one feeling something over than camaraderie.

 

For all of this, he can’t say no. He can’t say no because Bellamy would want him to have her back (and when did “I’ve got your back” start meaning “I think I might love you”?). Because spending time with her is addictive (it’s easy to see now, how Bellamy went from “I want to kill her” to “give her anything she needs” in under a week). Because it is still an excellent cover story, and it’s working (they’ve made it in to several restricted areas and all with just a slap on the wrist and comments about ‘young love’). But if he’s being really honest with himself, and does try to be, the real reason that he can’t say no to Clarke Griffin is because he really doesn’t ever want to stop making out with her, and he’s afraid that this is all he’s going to get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Miller in this chapter kills me a little. 
> 
> Feedback loved and appreciated.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming up with a plan and things changing for Clarke and Miller.

As she was pouring over the map and the notes from their expeditions one evening, Clarke realised that she did not feel vindicated as she discovered that things were not adding up. She had thought that there might have been an air of triumph that she was right. But then, perhaps she should have known better. Her father didn’t feel it, and she didn’t feel it on the Ark. The only thing she felt then, and the thing she felt now, was a sicking sense of desperation. She had not been able to put her finger on it quite yet, but there was something happening in medical that wasn’t right, and she wasn’t able to get the Grounders fear of the Mountain Men out of her head. And, worst of all, they still hadn’t found an exit.

The thing that she didn’t want to think about, though, was that they were on their own. The Ark wasn’t coming. They had no way of contacting Bellamy or the others on the outside, or even telling them where they were. If they were there. And even if they could get out and convince everyone to come with them, which they wouldn’t without definitive proof, how could less than fifty of them create a community and survive. She wondered if Jasper was right, if they’d be better off staying here, secrets and all. But she knew she couldn’t let it rest, she was her father’s daughter, after all.

She sighed, the thinking was getting her nowhere, and she knew she was heading in a downward spiral. She missed Wells. Not that he’d have anything useful to say necessarily, but he’d listen and stop her spiralling. He’d probably try to make a chess analogy that she wouldn’t get. Strategy. Tactics. And then, of course, Bellamy. He’d have plenty to say too. But again, he wasn’t here. _Stop focussing on what you don’t have, focus on what you do have and make it work,_ she chastised herself, thinking of Raven. Her eyes alighted on Miller, who was playing the card game everyone seemed to love with Fox, Jasper, and Maya. She almost smiled thinking about his smirk, and the way he let out his opinions with quiet, blunt honesty. Monty was smart, but Miller was grounded, and she needed the grounding. Clarke closed her binder, tucking it under her pillow and made her way over to where they were sitting.

Clarke came up behind him, and leaned her forearms across his shoulders, resting her head next to his. She felt him stiffen sightly and bit back her sigh. She knew he was uncomfortable with this arrangement, but he stuck at it nonetheless. It frustrated her though, because she was always struck with how comfortable and normal it felt to kiss him, and touch him. But her introspection on their fake relationship wasn’t terribly important right then.

“Hey Nate, can I borrow you for a minute?” Clarke asked quietly, smiling. He smirked, slightly, and Fox laughed.

“Subtle,” she offered lightly. Jasper scowled, but Maya smiled.

“We just finished a hand, I’m pretty sure you can steal him,” Maya suggested politely. Maya grated on Clarke, perhaps unfairly, but the girl was trying to make an effort, and so was she.

“Well, it does depend on if he actually wants to come with me,” Clarke replied, teasing in her tone. Miller chuckled, and Jasper’s scowl deepened. Clarke wanted to snap at him really badly, but he hadn’t said a word since he’d voiced his initial displeasure. It made a small part of her sad, really sad, that someone she’d trusted and liked was so against her now. She missed his laughter.

“Yeah, I reckon I can find some time for my girl,” Miller said, leaning in to her, and Clarke’s mouth quirked with amusement. He was still trying on nicknames, but he seemed to be settling in to something that sounded more possessive than she would have thought for him. She leaned back from him as he stood, and took his hand, leading him back to the corner she had been sitting in, and they sat huddled close together.

“So, what do you want to talk about?” Miller asked quietly. Clarke sighed with the fullness of every damn thing she wanted to talk about. Her eyes pricked. She would not cry.

“Help isn’t coming,” she whispered. Miller took her hand in his again, and it wasn’t romantic or because he had to, just a show of support. He didn’t say anything though, and she wished he wasn’t so quiet. She took a deep breath. “We have to assume the Ark hasn’t come down. And even if they do, they aren’t going to know where we are. And… the others… we can’t…” she swallowed thickly, trying to clear her head, and took a deep steadying breath, trying (failing) to keep the edge of quiet panic out of her voice. “Anyway, even if… we have no way to contact them. I know we haven’t figured it out yet, but something is wrong. We’re on our own and we don’t even know where the door is.”

“Clarke, I’ve got your back. We’ve all got your back. We’re going to make it work,” Miller told her. The confidence in his voice made her feel like a fraud.

“I’m… I’m really not sure we are,” she whispered. Miller slipped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him. He was so warm and comfortable, she just wanted to stay like that, and she found herself relaxing.

“I have faith in you, Clarke. We all do. You haven’t let us down yet,” he muttered into her hair. Clarke scoffed.

“Tell that to Jasper,” she said bitterly.

“Jasper is being an idiot. He’s got a crush and the girl actually likes him back. He’ll get over it,” Miller said dryly. Clarke thought about laughing, but didn’t.

“I’m letting you down,” she whispered instead. Miller froze.

“What do you mean?” he asked quietly, still not letting her go.

“You hate this. You go stiff every time I touch you. You regret saying yes and you’re only doing this out of some misguided sense of loyalty or because you feel like you have to. I’m not saying I don’t appreciate it, I’m just… I get how much you hate it and I’m sorry,” she explained, still not moving away from him. His whole body was tense and she felt it. Eventually she pulled away reluctantly and looked up at him. He looked remarkably uncomfortable.

“Clarke. It’s not that. It’s okay, we’re okay. I just… like it, you, I mean. I like you. And It’s weird, that’s all,” Miller explained. “It’s not a problem.” In that moment, Clarke knew she had a choice. She could ignore it and things would stay the way they were, or she could question it. She didn’t know what she wanted. With Finn, it had felt playful until it felt desperate and then it had been over before it had the chance to start properly. But with Miller, it just felt safe and companionable, and it always did. And maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.

 

 

Miller sat there, arms loosely around her, looking in to her eyes, trying to figure out what was going to happen next. He was glad in a way that he’d said it, but he hoped it wouldn’t change anything, that she’d just shrug, and the steel in her eyes would flash and they’d move on. He tried to still the panic in his torso, the beating of his heart and the clenching of his stomach. He hadn’t felt like this since he’d been caught on the Ark. Whatever he was expecting to happen, it wasn’t what she said next.

“I like you too, Nate,” Clarke said softly, and placed her head back against his shoulder. All the words he had ever learned left his head. Something in his stomach burned. He tilted his head and pressed a quick kiss on top of her head. She hummed and it was such a gentle and contented sound he couldn’t prevent the small smile that took over his features. She pulled back slightly to look at him, and he tried to hide the smile.

“But I still have no idea what we’re going to do. We’re trapped. I think it’s in medical. I need to get into medical,” Clarke said suddenly. _Whiplash,_ he thought to himself. She winced slightly, and smiled apologetically. “Sorry, I’m not good at…” Miller shakes his head slightly, understanding.

“The job comes first,” he said, and she smiled at him with such gratitude and appreciation that the swell of pride he felt was unavoidable. She was so beautiful. He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips, and pulled back.

“Medical?” he asked. Clarke nodded. “Then we get into medical.” Clarke pressed her lips together and frowned.

“I’ve tried, you know. I spoke to Dante about how I was training to be a doctor and how I’d love to see what they do and their resources. Even suggested that I could help with charting or just nursing or something… nothing. I’m not getting in there without a medical reason,” she explained. Miller’s jaw tightened involuntarily. He knew what she was going to do.

“No,” he said. “Not happening.” Clarke frowned at him. He sighed. All the things he wanted to say, could say, ran through his head. Bellamy wouldn’t let you, I’m not going to let you, we’ll find another way, don’t be reckless… But the words wouldn’t come. He was not good at this. He was a lieutenant, following orders, rallying troops, not a general.

“But it’s the best way,” Clarke protested. “I can do it so it’s safe, injure myself I mean.” Miller shook his head.

“If you think you’re doing this and I’m just going to be happy about it, you’re insane,” he replied. “I’ve got your back, but you’re being crazy.” He glanced around, seeing Monty nearby, desperately wanting to bring him over without ruining their cover. Clarke followed his gaze, sighing.

“Fine, bring them over,” she said. “But unless they have a better idea to get me into medical, I’m doing this.” Miller tried not to grind his teeth, instead just nodding once, before turning back to Monty and catching his attention with a jerk of the head. Understanding at once, Monty stood up and walked over.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt guys, but my wrist feels weird, do you think you can take a look at it for me Clarke?” he says as he walks over.

“Way too ruin a moment, Monty,” Miller jokes, but Monty just rolls his eyes as he sits down opposite Clarke, extending his wrist for inspection. She took it, rolling it idly.

“Nate seems to have a problem with my newest plan,” Clarke muttered. Monty raised his eyebrows glancing between them. Clarke hadn’t looked up, so Monty mouthed ‘Nate?’ at him, Miller ignored him.

“Clarke seems to think it’s a great idea to get herself injured to get into medical,” he interjected lowly. Monty made a noise, thinking about it.

“Well no one else is going to know what to look for, so it has to be Clarke. And it’s too easy to be out of place down there. She has a point. An injury makes sense,” he mused. Miller glared at him, and Clarke had a small smile of triumph. “I mean, injuring yourself on purpose is not the sanest, but it’s workable, that’s all I’m saying,” Monty backtracked.

“I’m doing it. Tomorrow,” Clarke announces, releasing Monty’s wrist. Harper flops down next to Monty.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” she asks.

“Cutting my arm open to get into medical,” Clarke replies. Miller’s stomach twists unhappily, but Harper just looks impressed.

“Bad ass,” she says, approvingly. “But what do you think you’re going to find?” Clarke shook her head.

“I don’t know. But it’s the only place that makes sense. I remember being in there when I got stitched up after the Maya incident… I think it’s where the corridor goes to and I think there is a door. I’ll need to sneak a key card in with me. If I’m right, that’s where we’ll find answers,” Clarke said. Miller loved her confidence, and hated it. He sighed.

“Fine, but I want it on record that I don’t like the plan,” he said. Clarke rolled her eyes and placed a hand on his shoulder, patting it twice with condescension and humour.

“It’s sweet how you think you were going to have a choice,” she replies. Monty and Harper exchange a look, and Miller notices it. He knows they’re cluing together that something has changed, but he doesn’t want to say anything. He wants to ask Clarke if she’s doing this because she’s getting desperate or because she really thinks this is the best plan, but he can’t. Her stress was in confidence, and it’s not for everyone to know, even if it is the other half of their brains trust. Instead, he focuses on Monty and Harper.

“Have you guys found an exit yet?” he asks them, changing the subject. Monty grins.

“I was going to tell you about that. I might have found a door, but I’ve also found something else. There’s a radio signal blocking transmissions, it’s what I heard just before I got taken on the walkies. If I can make it to one of the lines to the antenna I can make it a broadcast saying that we’re in here, if anyone is still out there, they’ll hear it. But I also think I can hear some people trying to talk on the line. In English. I think that… I mean, maybe, we’re not alone. I haven’t been able to make contact yet but…,” Monty’s voice trails off, but the excited grin hasn’t left his face. Miller finds himself, strangely, wanting to kiss him. It’s the most perfectly timed news and he can feel Clarke twitching beside him with excitement and fear.

“I’ve already stolen most of what he needs to get started,” Harper cuts in. “And he’s being modest, he’s already figured out where we need to go in to the antenna. If there’s anyone out there we actually have a real chance to make contact.”

“Did you, I mean… do you know who was…,” Clarke begins, unsure of how to finish. Monty’s face falls.

“No, I don’t… Clarke, I’m sorry. I don’t know yet. But we will. I promise,” Monty says determined. Miller places his hand on Clarke’s thigh to reassure and he’s rewarded with a small smile.

“So maybe we’re not alone,” she says to him softly. He smiles, first at her and then at the others.

“We can do this,” he says, confident. This is going to work.

“And tomorrow I’m going into medical. We’re going to find out what’s going on and if we need to get out. I am so thankful for all of you,” Clarke says suddenly, and when they all look at her strangely, she starts to colour slightly. She shakes her head. “Bellamy was always better at this part,” she admits. “But I mean it. I’m really… you guys are the best.” Miller notes the smiles that Monty and Harper give her, and he matches them. But he does wonder if she realises the way her eyes look when she says his name, or if he’ll ever stop feeling his gut clench when she does. He wants to remind himself that she just said that she liked him, that Bellamy’s not here and he never made a move. But he’s never been very good at lying to himself and he wonders if Bellamy Blake walked in to the dormitory right now, if she’d end up in his arms without thinking. He really hopes he’s wrong.  


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke enacts her plan to get back into medical and Miller finds out that they aren't only survivors from the Ark.

Clarke was surprised by how much it didn’t hurt. Which is not to say that it was painless. Rather, she had expected dragging her just healing wound over an exposed piece of metal in the dorm, deepening and lengthening it. She winced, and then positioned herself as though she had just fallen before thumping the floor with her unhurt arm heavily and crying out. She was pulling herself up, forcing herself to whimper when Jasper and Maya broke into the room, pausing for a second to take her in, and then rushing towards her, settling on either side.

“Clarke! What happened?” Jasper asked, urgently. Clarke looked at him, forcing her eyes to be vacant.

“I- I don’t know,” she muttered, using her uninjured arm to press a hand to her forehead. “I feel really weird. I was just walking along and then I…I fell, I guess.” Maya took her forearm and was examining it.

“Clarke, this is really deep. You’re going to need stitches. Come on, I’ll get you to medical,” Maya said, helping her up, taking her weight. Clarke tried not to smile, forcing a frown, and nodding.

“Thanks, Maya,” Clarke said softly, weakly. Jasper placed a steadying hand on her back.

“Are okay to walk? Do you need some help?” he asked her, concern in his eyes. She tried not to feel angry that this is what it took for him to show her anything other than scorn for the first time since they got here. Clarke shook her head.

“No, I’ll be okay, I think. It’s just a cut. My head’s already starting to clear,” she replied with a sigh. Jasper nodded.

“Okay. Do you want me to… I mean… Miller?” he stammered out, clearly uncomfortable. Maya smiled at him approvingly, and Jasper almost blushed in response. Clearly they’d been talking about it. Clarke smiled, weakly, thin and vague. She tried to focus on the light throb from her harm and the sharp pain. She winced as she looked at it. Nate was in the gallery with Monty, trying to find a way to reach the radio antenna, and she would greatly prefer he was not interrupted.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll be back before we know it, right Maya?” she asked, looking to the girl for confirmation.            She received a reassuring smile. The smile was especially reassuring because it meant that it didn’t seem strange that she didn’t want her boyfriend there.

“Absolutely. No point in worrying him unnecessarily. She’ll be back in under half an hour,” Maya confirmed. Clarke nodded in response, letting herself be led by Maya out of the dorm room. Jasper followed behind, hovering slightly.

“Clarke,” Jasper said in a tone that made them pause. Clarke looked over at him, and he looked pale and worried. “Miller would want to know.” She tried not to let the irritation show on her face.

“He’s going to fuss. I hate fuss. Let me get through the painful part and then I’ll go find him straight away,” Clarke promised. Jasper cracked a half smile that said he understood, and she returned it, before letting Maya lead her away.

 

It had taken eight minutes to get Clarke’s wound examined and stitched, and she had been left alone in the medical bay, except for a man who was sleeping, to change into fresh clothes that were not covered with blood. Dr. Tsing would be back soon to talk to her, and she estimated that she had about fifteen minutes before she was interrupted at the outside. She noticed that edge of the panels above the beds had tubing that ran along the wall and disappeared into the room next door. The door itself was locked, but Clarke slipped the key card from where she had wedged it under her bra and swiped it. She slipped into the room cautiously, but froze when she saw the cages, stacked on top of one another, lining either side of the room. She crept closer. Grounders. They had caged the Grounders. Anya. She crouched down, looking at the weakened, caged leader who seemed so much smaller that Clarke had remembered. Anya scowled at her. Clarke swallowed, terrified. Terrified for Anya, for herself.

“What is going on here?” Clarke whispered. Anya glared at her.

“They drain our blood,” Anya replied. “And you are one of them.” Clarke shook her head.

“No, I’m not. And I’m going to get you out. I don’t know how, but I’m going to get you out,” Clarke promised, looking around. Anya just glared again, before turning away. Clarke supposed that, roles reversed, she wouldn’t believe her either. Looking around the room she saw a work station and ran over it to it. Syringes, filled with sedatives and other things, and needles. She jammed a needle onto a syringe filled with sedative and slipped it in to Anya through the cage.

“I have to go. But if you use this against them, you can knock them out. I don’t know how far you’ll get… but it’s something,” Clarke said. And then she bit her lip. “But I’m getting my people out of here. And if you can wait, we’ll get you out too. You have my word.” Anya wouldn’t turn to look at her again, and Clarke couldn’t wait any longer. She didn’t bother repeating her statement as she jogged back towards medical. Anya would either trust her, or she wouldn’t. She couldn’t dwell on it, but she knew that she would come back for the Grounders, whoever was there. She had no idea how she was going to sell the others on it yet, but she knew that it would be the right thing to do. She remembered, again, how Nate had said Anya deserved to die, how he hated Lincoln, and she hoped he wouldn’t be a hard sell. She’d need him to pull this off.

Her mind still spinning, she made it back to the bed just as she heard the door beep as someone unlocked it with a key card. She took a steadying breath and tried not to look as guilty, angry, or frustrated as she felt. However, when the door opened all she could feel was shock. She stood, awkwardly.

“President Wallace,” she managed. The older man smiled kindly at her.

“Hello Clarke. I was very sorry to hear about your accident. Are you feeling better now?” he asked her. He looked kindly, but Clarke couldn’t help feeling more suspicious than comforted. She attempted a smile.

“That’s very kind of you, President Wallace. Thank you for your concern, but I’m fine. I just had a dizzy spell,” Clarke explained. She wondered why he was here at all, and she had a feeling that it had nothing to do with kindness or concern. The smile he was offering her was clearly meant to indicate that it was. She licked her lips.

“You are quite safe here, Clarke. I hope you know that. And you can come to me anytime with your concerns, or the concerns of your friends,” he offered. She stiffened slightly, but kept her smile with some effort, and nodded.

“Thank you, President Wallace. The only concern we have currently really is that there doesn’t seem to be an exit on the map you gave us,” Clarke tried politely. She did not miss the way his jaw worked slightly before answering.

“The radiation is very dangerous to us, Clarke. Opening any door on this facility could kill us all. My people come first, I’m sure you understand that,” President Wallace said carefully. But all Clarke could hear was ‘ _you are not allowed to leave’._

“My people might still be out there,” Clarke tried. Bellamy. Raven was… the bullet. But Finn, Monroe, Sterling, and Octavia. And others. They couldn’t all have survived but she couldn’t give up on them yet. Wallace was shaking his head.

“My scouts have been out twice since we found you, and there are no survivors,” he apologised. Clarke’s stomach twisted. She raged internally: _You don’t know that. You don’t know about the bunkers or the car, or other places we know to hide and live. And there is no way Bellamy is going to trust someone in a gas mask. Finn is an incredible tracker. You don’t know, you can’t find them. You. Don’t. Know._ Clarke swallowed, and nodded once.

“Don’t let your grief blind you, Clarke. Focus on the people you still have. Keep them safe,” he offered her, with a hand on her arm. She swallowed again, forcing herself not to flinch away from his touch. Forcing herself not to yell at him. Not to demand answers.

“Thank you for your concern, and your counsel, President Wallace,” she said. “But after this incident, all I really want to do is find my boyfriend.” Wallace’s smile broadened, and he gestured to the door. He fell in step alongside her as she crossed to it slowly.

“Ah yes, Nathan Miller. He seems like a nice young man. Stoic,” he said conversationally. Clarke let her amused smile show.

“Stoic is an excellent word for him,” she replied. Wallace smiled at her again.

“Stay safe, Clarke. I’ll see you soon,” he said as she walked through the door. Clarke looked at him for a moment, studying him. She could not find a trace of guilt, or remorse, or suspicion.

“I’ll look forward to it,” she lied, and turned and walked away, cogs already turning in her brain. They needed to get out, and they needed to do it soon. How long before chocolate cake turned in to being forced in cages like the Grounders? She hoped that Nate and Monty were having success with the radio because she had a feeling they were going to need it.

 

 

Miller leaned up against the wall as Monty marked out the length of the Archive in steps, working out where to try breaking through for the antenna. There was something incredibly endearing about the way Monty was muttering under his breath. He found himself smiling unknowingly, only to be caught.

“What are you smiling about?” Monty asked him. Miller shook his head, clearing his thought.

“Nothing,” he responded, having a feeling that it wasn’t a good idea to tell Monty that he was adorable.

“So thinking about Clarke then,” Monty smirked. Miller rolled his eyes.

“How are you coming with the antenna?” Miller asked, changing the subject. Monty rolled his eyes in return, and Miller swallowed his smirk.

“It’s here. I just need to get through the wall,” Monty sighed. “I’m going to need a big ass hammer to get through the cement.” He didn’t swallow this smirk, as he reached down to pull a big ass hammer Harper had offered him before they left. She said she had a feeling ever practical Monty might have forgotten about actually getting through the wall.

“Big ass enough for you?” Miller asked, teasing. Monty flicked him a grin.

“Perfect. Break through right here,” he replied, tapping the wall. Miller nodded in response and swung the hammer, denting the wall on his first swing. He broke through on the second swing, earning another grin from Monty. He thought he might like to earn a few more of those grins. And then he felt really confused because he didn’t think he should be feeling like that if he was feeling like he was about Clarke. Clarke, who liked him. His stomach flipped a little, thinking about the fact she liked him, and the way she called him Nate. He sighed, bringing himself back to the present as Monty was attaching wires to the antenna and a walkie talkie that Harper had lifted from an unknowing guard.  

“Almost got it,” Monty muttered. And then there was a buzzing of static, followed by silence. “Hello? Hello? Do you copy? It’s…” Monty started, before looking at Miller desperately. “Who are we?” he whispered. Miller shrugged. “It’s Monty Green, from the 100. We’re in Mount Weather.” Miller nodded his approval, and Monty nodded in response. They waited for a minute.

“Should we try again?” Miller asked. Monty shrugged, and made to talk again.

“Monty?” they heard a scratchy sound coming out of the walkie talkie.

“Yes! Yes it is. Who is this?” Monty asked, hope and desperation in his voice, eyes locked on Miller’s.

“It’s Bellamy. Where are you?” he asked, his voice laced with relief even through the static. Miller had never been so happy and hopeful and terrified at the same time.

“We’re in Mount Weather. There are people here. They took us from the drop ship. We’re all okay. There are forty-eight of us,” Monty said. “How many are with you?”

“Finn, Raven, Monroe, Sterling, and Murphy. And parts of the Ark came down. Our people are here. Is Clarke with you?” Bellamy asked. Monty shot Miller a sympathetic look.

“Yes, she’s here. She’s fine. She thinks something isn’t right here and she’s trying to figure it out,” Monty replied. They heard a crackle that sounded like a laugh.

“Sounds like Clarke,” Bellamy replied, humour in his voice. Miller wasn’t deaf to the affection in his tone.

“We need to work on an exit plan. The map they gave us didn’t have any exits, and we’re trying to find them. Clarke thinks we’re going to need to get out sooner rather than later. They’re treating us well and we’re all fine but…” Monty trailed off.

“Can I talk to her?” Bellamy asked. Miller felt his stomach fall, and a strange empty feeling took over. Monty gave him another sympathetic look.

“She’s not here right now, but we can work something out. She’ll have a plan soon,” Monty offered.

“Good. How secure is this line?” Bellamy asked. Miller shook his head and gestured at the noises of couples arriving to make out.

“Not secure. Don’t call us. We’ll call you when it’s safe. We have to go. Good to hear you’re alive, Bellamy,” Monty said quickly.

“Wait! Can you tell Clarke…,” Bellamy’s voice trails off and Miller runs through all the things he could say that he wouldn’t be able to repeat to Clarke without his voice breaking in the split second before he continues: _You love her, you miss her, you need her, you wish you were with her._ “Tell her that her mother’s alive and on the ground.” It’s not any of the things he thought, but it doesn’t relieve the tension he feels in his stomach.

“Got it, talk soon Bellamy,” Monty replied before cutting him off, replacing their conversation with the interference static. Miller covered up the hole with a painting, and shoved Monty ahead of him, heading out of the Archive.

“So Bellamy’s alive,” Monty said conversationally. Miller nodded.

“That’s… I mean, that’s great,” Monty continued. Miller nodded again.

“Clarke knew he would be,” Miller replied. Monty chewed his lip.

“You didn’t. She’s the only one who never used past tense,” Monty offered. Miller cut him a look and he winced.

“She had faith. Can’t fault her for that,” Miller replied lightly. Monty chewed his lip some more.

“It’s not all pretend anymore, is it?” Monty asked, hesitantly. Miller shook his head. Monty sighed. “I’m sorry, man.” Miller frowned.

“It’s not over yet,” he replied. Monty raised his eyebrows in disbelief. Miller felt himself crumple with resignation.

“Yeah, I know, alright? I’m her second choice. But I can enjoy it while it lasts,” Miller sighed. Monty clasped a hand on his shoulder in support, and Miller’s shoulder tingled with warmth.

“I’m here if you ever need to talk, or whatever. It sucks,” Monty offered. Miller nodded in acceptance of his offer.

“Come on, let’s find Clarke and let her know the good news,” Miller sighed, and they walked off side by side to the dorm where she was meant to be waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BELLAMY IS BACK.
> 
> Okay, so we ALL knew it was coming, but there he is. 
> 
> We've played around with the timeline a little bit, because there are still things we want to be happening, and they've only been on the ground for less than two month (which we did not know when we started this fic so apologies for the weird six months comment in chapter one). But Bellamy is back at camp after rescuing Mel and sending Murphy and Finn off to keep looking for Clarke... Y'all know what happens next for them.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miller finds out about Clarke's excursion to Medical, and Clarke finds out Bellamy is alive.

Miller was not thrilled to find Jasper waiting for them instead of Clarke. The sheer look of guilt on Jasper’s face didn’t really help his disposition. Jasper jumped up awkwardly when they entered the room. Something was wrong.

“Miller, Monty. Glad you’re back,” Jasper tried. Monty raised an eyebrow, but Miller felt his jaw tighten.

“What’s up, Jasper?” Miller demanded, trying to still the sick feeling in his gut. Clarke had said she would wait until after dinner to make her move, promised him, and she wasn’t here. Which could only mean she’d gone ahead without him.

“Clarke… she had a fall. She’s in medical. She told me not to tell you,” Jasper admitted in a rush. Miller involuntarily looked at Monty in desperation and frustration. He struggled to breathe a little, his fingers twitching. He should have been there.

“I’m sorry. I asked. Twice,” Jasper offered. Miller scowled at him, frustrated at his lack of faith in Clarke, and his lack of support of their relationship.

“Sure you did,” Miller scoffed, before turning back to Monty. “I should go find Clarke.” Monty gave him a look of sympathy. Miller was getting a little sick of the sympathy the Asian man was throwing at him. He hated the pity. But he didn’t hate the attention, if he was still being honest.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Monty asked, his hand twitching to indicate the equipment he had in the bag over his shoulder. _Do you want me to help you tell her Bellamy’s alive?_ Miller shook his head. He was about to say something else, but was interrupted by Clarke and Maya returning. Miller schooled his face into an expressionless mask to prevent all of his fear, frustration, and relief spreading itself over his face. Clarke smiled at him apologetically.

“Hey Nate, I guess you heard,” she said, lifting her arm slightly.

“I did,” he agreed. “Are you okay?” He watched as her eyes flickered for a moment before she nodded.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired,” Clarke offered. Maya rubbed her back sympathetically before crossing to Jasper. Clarke smiled at them both in a way that was so far from genuine he wondered how it convinced anyone.

“You should get some rest. Come on, Monty, let’s go to the common room. There’s apple pie for afternoon tea today,” Maya said, her arm linking with Jasper’s. Monty followed them, but not without a look backward to say he’d stay if they asked. But Miller just shook his head. He had to do this, and he’d rather do it alone. He watched as Clarke crossed the dorm to her bed and sat down, gesturing for him to join her. But she was all business when all he wanted to do was hold her and tell her how he felt about her going behind his back. He wanted to ask if it hurt and if she was okay. He wanted to kiss her and tell her that she should have waited. He wanted to curl up beside her as she fell asleep, wanted her to be actually tired, instead of using it as a ruse to get some alone time with him. He sighed and sat down beside her, not as close as he’d have liked, but close enough that he could smell the antiseptic mixing with the smell of her hair. He swallowed. He took a breath, letting it all go, and focussing on the task at hand.

“So,” he said after a moment, “tell me what you found out.”

 

 

Clarke swallowed. She was, of course, grateful that he was not giving her the third degree about going behind his back. She was happy to avoid the conversation, but it didn’t make her happy that he didn’t _want_ to have it. She suspected that it was a ridiculous, unnecessary, and emotional thing and she did her best to squash it until a better time. If there was ever a better time. She sighed, steeling herself. She was still dreading telling him, just a little bit. Still scared of how it was going to go.

“They’re bleeding the Grounders dry. I’m not sure why. I think they’re giving the Mountain Men transfusions. And they can’t survive on the ground. So I’m thinking it has something to do with that. Which means that, eventually, they’re probably going to start bleeding us. Anya’s down there too. We need to get them and us out of this mountain,” she said, fierce determination colouring her tone. Miller’s jaw had dropped and his eyes hardened. She wished she could read him. But she was willing to fight for this, counter arguments to potential comments flew around her head.

“You found the Grounders being bled out?” Miller asked. Clarke nodded.

“In cages, in a room adjacent to the medical ward. We aren’t leaving them there,” she said firmly. Miller frowned.

“They’ve been killing us since we arrived here and now you want to save them?” he asked incredulously. Clarke glared at him.

“We aren’t leaving them there to die. Besides, we crash landed in their territory, our flares killed an entire village, and we took and tortured their people. And then we blew up a bridge, and then I killed their army with fire. We can’t survive and fight them at the same time,” she snapped. Miller scowled at her.

“I can’t wait for Bellamy to hear about this,” Miller said drily. And then, before she had a chance to react, his eyes widened and his jaw dropped slightly. Clarke felt like her heart had stopped beating in her chest, and she waited for him to say more. “We talked to him. On the radio. He’s alive, Clarke,” he finished after a moment. Her heart started beating again and tears pricked the back of her eyeballs.

“I knew he wasn’t dead,” her voice whispered, involuntarily, laced with relief, as her chest ached with it. She was, however, able to keep the whispered _thank god_ by the part of her she had been adamantly not listening to shoved down though, and she was proud of that.

“Who else is with him?” she asked, her voice stronger, that note of leadership and responsibility edging in. Miller swallowed again, looking uncomfortable.

“Finn and Raven, and a couple of others. And your mother… part of the Ark made it down too,” he said. Clarke involuntarily flinched at the mention of her mother, for all that she was grateful that she wasn’t dead, she wasn’t sure was ready to forgive her just yet. She took a steadying breath in, and her exhale was one of relief, they weren’t all dead out there. She felt her shoulders lose some of their tension.

“This is great. They can help us. We need to get out of here and we have somewhere to go and someone to help us get there. Nate, this is… this is great,” she breathed out, smiling at him. He didn’t look happy.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. Miller looked away.

“Nothing,” he said, before turning back to her. Clarke didn’t believe him, but she didn’t press. He’d tell her when he was ready. He looked up at her again, and his eyes were unreadable. She considered reaching out for him, but didn’t.

“He wants to talk to you. Soon,” Miller said, with something akin to bitterness in his tone. She narrowed her eyes.

“Are you jealous?” she asked incredulously. They were trapped in a mountain, in constant danger, and he was jealous that Bellamy wanted to talk to his co-leader. Miller was glaring at her.

“It’s Bellamy. Of course I’m jealous. It’s you and Bellamy,” Miller muttered. Clarke struggled not to laugh.

“Exactly, it’s Bellamy. We’re co-leaders. We aren’t dating, we aren’t exactly best friends. We have a working relationship,” she explained. Just because she felt like she wanted it to be more than what it was, not that she even had time to want more, not really, didn’t change the fact that they were just co leaders, she rationalised. Miller didn’t look convinced.

“You can’t actually believe that,” he replied, his own disbelief evident in his tone.

“It’s just the way it is. But I do want to talk to him, because we have an escape to plan. When can I do that?” Clarke asked, archly. Miller was back to classically unreadable. _Stoic,_ the word echoed in her ears.

“Maybe after dinner. We can sneak up to the gallery together. But you need to rest for now given your _little accident_ ,” he said, standing up. Clarke couldn’t hide her irritation at his tone.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she demanded.

“Only that you said you’d wait, Clarke. You said you would wait for me and I could go with you. Instead you sneak off and do it while you know I’m not around to help. What if you got caught?” he demanded, angry. Clarke glared at him.

“You aren’t in charge of me, Miller. I did what I thought was the best thing for everyone,” she bit back. Miller shook his head.

“I know I’m not in charge of you, but I am meant to be your boyfriend. That means something, isn’t it?” he asked. Clarke winced.

“It does, of course it does,” she protested. Miller shook his head.

“It doesn’t feel like it does, Clarke,” he replied, bitter again, but also defeated. Clarke shook her head and caught his hand even as he was standing to leave.

“Nate, don’t do this. I’m sorry. I just…,” Clarke trailed off, unsure how to finish the sentence. _I like you? I am distracted by our people, to which I inadvertently put you second? I don’t want you to stop kissing me?_ In the end, she left it hanging, nothing she had to say would be enough if he didn’t already want to hear it. He watched her face, and she knew he was seeing her helpless expression. He sighed and sat beside her again, his arm slipping around her.

“I like it when you call me Nate,” he admitted. Clarke sighed, and leaned against him. “And I get it. Leaders have to make the tough decisions. I get that the good of everyone comes first. But you have remember that I… care about you. A lot. And we’re meant to be in this together, just a little. And you have to remember that I’m Bellamy’s best friend and I know that he doesn’t just have co-leader feelings about you. So can you just… think about the personal, just a little bit?” Clarke relaxed into him, feeling warm and safe… right up until the mention of Bellamy and his feelings. She kept her body relaxed as her heart raced, sending conflicting emotions running through her.

“It takes two people, you know, to make a relationship,” Clarke offered, softly. Miller sighed his agreement.

“Does your arm hurt?” he asked. Clarke laughed, once.

“Not as much as I thought it would,” she admitted. She felt Miller roll his eyes and pressed her lips into an amused smile.

“So we’re really going to rescue the Grounders?” he asked, defeat in his tone again, but this time it was begrudging and not bitter. Clarke nodded.

“It’s the right thing to do,” she said.

“When we get them out and they kill us all anyway, I’m going to say I told you so,” he warned. Clarke scoffed.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Can you go find Monty and Harper and talk exits? I want to have at least the beginnings of a plan when we talk to Bellamy later. And I do actually need to sleep,” she said quietly, really just ready to be alone for a while.

“Of course,” Miller replied, and kissed the top of her head before walking away. She settled on the bed, curling up on her side, cradling her arm, as he crossed the room. He paused at the door, and turned back to her.

“I’ve got your back, Clarke,” he said before he left, and if she didn’t know better it was starting to sound a lot like ‘I love you’, and she wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about that.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Bellamy talk, and Maya reveals some truths about the Mountain.

Miller’s stomach was a mess, it had been since he’d left Clarke in the dorm hours ago. He hadn’t even managed to eat properly, but then, neither had Clarke. She’d dragged him out of his chair before dessert was even properly over, apologetic smiles and meaningful comments about ‘alone time’. He couldn’t even fake a smile properly, because she couldn’t hide her enthusiasm and he knew it had nothing to do with him and everything to do with talking to Bellamy. He tried to remind himself that it was a co-leader thing, that they were used to planning this stuff out together, but it wasn’t reassuring as Clarke plugged the radio in to the wiring.

“This is Clarke Griffin calling from inside Mount Weather. Do you copy?” Clarke asked, her voice firm and confident. It felt like it was pulling her away, and he leaned back against the wall and faced the shelving around him.

“Clarke! It’s good to hear your voice,” a female voice answered. Miller glanced at the radio, frowning.

“Raven?” Clarke asked.

“Yep, it’s me. Still alive. Surprise! Sorry, I’ll go get Bellamy, he’s dying to talk to you,” Raven replies, humour laced through her tone, and the look of relief of Clarke’s face makes Miller feel guilty for thinking that this was all about her feelings for Bellamy. For all that he has been second in command, he hasn’t been close enough to leadership to feel the kind of responsibility that Clarke has running through her veins.

“Clarke?” Bellamy’s voice comes out of the radio after a minute, and Miller watches as Clarke closes her eyes and her shoulders slump in clear relief.

“Bellamy? I uh, I’m glad you’re alive,” Clarke says awkwardly, and Miller thinks _you’ve had hours to come up with something to say and you get tongue tied, tell me again how you don’t love him._ And hates himself a little bit more for thinking it.

“Back at you, Princess,” Bellamy says, and there is warmth to his tone, before switching back to his normal stern tone. “So what’s the deal with Mount Weather?” Clarke’s face rearranges to be all business again, and he’s used to this Clarke, this mask she wears, and it eases his tension. He smiles at her encouragingly, and she nods her appreciation.

“They’ve been living in the bunker since the bombs went off ninety-seven years ago, and they can’t survive the radiation on the surface. They won’t let us leave. But they’ve been taking Grounders and draining their blood, I think as a radiation treatment. They keep them in cages. I have a feeling that we’re next on the menu. We need to get us and the Grounders out of this mountain,” Clarke says, and there’s something in her voice that reminds him of the way she gives speeches.

“You want us to save the Grounders?” Bellamy asks, incredulous. Clarke winces and Miller gives her a look.

“That’s what Miller said,” Clarke says. “But we have to. It’s the right thing to do.”

“Miller’s there?” Bellamy asks. Clarke hands him the radio. Miller looks at it for a moment before taking it. He doesn’t quite know what to say, so he goes with obvious.

“Hey Bellamy,” he says.

“I’m glad you’re alive, man,” Bellamy tells him, and Miller hates the fact he’s been resenting this man who just sounds pleased that he’s alive. Except, of course, he doesn’t know about Clarke yet. “Has Clarke lost it or do you think this is actually a good idea?” Miller takes a deep breath, and he doesn’t miss the look that Clarke is giving him.

“Look, I don’t know. But I have a feeling that if we don’t plan to get the Grounders out, she’s going to try and get them out herself,” Miller says tiredly, and he ignores the look Clarke gives him, even as he hears that static of Bellamy’s short laugh.

“Fine. So what’s the plan? How can we help?” Bellamy asks. Miller hands the radio back to Clarke and she takes it with a smile.

“I was speaking to Monty and Harper and they think they’ve found us an exit that will work on side of the mountain that faces the drop ship. Get Finn to show you the tunnels where we exited on our way back, we’ll be coming out near there. I don’t know how we’re going to get to the Grounders, but I don’t want to wait much longer. Maybe three days? It has to be directly after a meal time, and the afternoon makes more sense. So about an hour after midday. Just be there, ready to help us get where we’re going. Bring guns,” Clarke says, and then she pauses. “Is Finn there?” she asks hesitantly.

“No, he and Murphy are still out looking for you. We thought the Grounders had you. I was with them but I had to come back because someone was injured,” Bellamy begins to explain and Clarke looks like she wants to say more, but Miller hears the noise of a couple giggling as the entire the archives. He exchanges a sharp look with Clarke, and she nods.

“We have to go,” Clarke says quickly. Miller takes a couple of steps forward, making sure no one sees them.

“Fine. Miller, look after her, alright? And Clarke, I’m really glad you’re o-,” Bellamy manages before Clarke yanks out the wires, jamming everything back in the hole, and covering it up with painting. Miller can already see the couple at the end of aisle, and he turns into Clarke, covering her with his body. She smiles at him as he steps into her space, putting his arms around her.

“Thank you,” she tells him, as he leans down and kisses her. His heart clenches as he brings a hand up to cradle her head as they kiss. He wonders if she’s thanking him for letting her talk to Bellamy, for backing her up, or for kissing her. She makes a small noise of appreciation in the back of her throat and presses against him harder. It doesn’t matter what she’s thanking him for, he decides, deepening this kiss, because she’s here, now, and he’s not going to miss it by second guessing.

 

 

Not for the first time, Clarke wishes that Bellamy were here. It hadn’t been so bad earlier that night, huddled over the binder with Nate, Monty, and Harper, planning their escape. But they were playing cards and socialising, and Clarke couldn’t switch off. There had to be an easier way to get the Grounders out of the cages. They were weak and unable to walk and completely untrusting. She had no idea if Anya was there, or even alive, or if Anya would even agree to come with them. There was too much at stake, and she wondered if Nate was right, that she should leave them. But she couldn’t. _Who we are and who we need to be to survive are two different things._ Finn’s desire for peace. She sighed. There was part of her that knew he was right, that they couldn’t keep fighting a war with the Grounders and actually have a life on the ground. Especially when what they were about to do was an act of war with Mount Weather. But the real problem, and the real reason she wishes Bellamy were here, is because she has no idea how she is going to tell them that they have to go and that it’s not safe and have them actually believe her. She can give them an easy choice, but she’s not sure she can do what he can, can motivate them to fight and die for her.

 

 

She’s so absorbed in the binder in front of her that she doesn’t notice Jasper and Maya sitting down opposite her until he speaks.

“Clarke, what are you doing?” he asks and her head jolts up and looks at him, and at Maya sitting next to him. She breathes, waiting. This is it, the moment of truth, and she can be locked away and drained of her blood with what happens next and the reality of it drags at her stomach.

“They’re lying to us,” she says in the end, because she can’t not say it. She can’t play pretend about this anymore. “Bellamy is alive and the Ark is on the ground.” She is rewarded with shock on his face, and Maya’s glance away. Jasper turns to look at her.

“Did you know?” he asked. Maya shook her head.

“I thought I overheard one of the guards saying something about it… but I didn’t…,” Maya tries.

“And did you know that they’re draining the Grounders? Did you know that we’re next?” Clarke challenges quietly, testing her theory. And she’s rewarded when Maya squirms and hides her face with her hair. Jasper looks like he’s going to be sick.

“We’d die if we didn’t. What were we meant to do?” Maya asks quietly.

“Die,” Monty suggests, seemingly materialising beside Clarke and sitting next to her. Maya just keeps looking ashamed.

“You knew and you…,” Jasper begins, but he can’t finished. He looks at Clarke with pain and horror in his eyes. “You were right,” he breathes it out like a sigh of shock and Clarke doesn’t feel vindicated, just saddened.

“Well now she has another choice,” Clarke replies quietly, focussing on Maya. “We’re getting out of here, and we’re taking the Grounders with us. You can help us, you can ignore us, or you can turn us in. What’s it going to be?” There is a tense moment of silence that sits around the four of them, and Clarke just stares at Maya, waiting.

“I’ll help,” she whispers, but she doesn’t raise her head. “I’ll help.” While no one actually lets out a breath, there is a collective rush of relief and Monty bumps her shoulder.

“We can do this,” he says to her, quietly. “We’re gonna do this.” Clarke nods.

“Okay, my main problem is the Grounders. After lunch Nate’s going to lead the kids out this exit here where Bellamy and the others are going to be waiting. But I’m going to head down into Medical for the Grounders. We can’t bring them through the halls and I’m not sure they’re going to trust me enough to come with me even if they can walk,” Clarke explains, pointing at the map, offering it to Maya. She thinks about it for a moment and Clarke holds her breath.

“Disposal chute,” Maya says. “Just past the cage room. You go in there and shut the door behind you and the system notices there’s a body and the floor drops out into a tunnel for the Reapers.”

“The Reapers? You feed the Reapers?” Clarke asks, fire blazing through her mind. Maya winces.

“I can find a map for you, to show you how to get out of the tunnels. And I can give you my key card to get into the cage room,” Maya adds, looking away. Clarke tries to ignore the fury racing through her at the things that this mountain does.

“Is there anything else we need to know about?” Clarke questions. And Maya winces again.

“The veil. They set it off as part of a defence protocol and to herd the Grounders away from areas. It’s like a fog,” Maya explains, looking at Clarke with an apology in her eyes.

“Acid fog,” Monty breathes out, he looks at Clarke. “If they find out we’re gone, they’ll use it. And we’re dead.” Clarke shakes her head, trying to think.

“They won’t,” Maya tells them. “You’re too valuable to them. Your blood will work better, the tests we ran on you in quarantine….” Her voice trails off again. And Clarke fights the urge to scream at her, to yell, to blame her for the million things that this mountain does that are not her fault. She just lives here, but it makes her complicit, and Clarke feels this in her gut, feels it like she felt it when they locked her up for treason.

“But they will come after us. So we have to be ready,” Clarke says, looking back at her binder. She cuts her eyes to Monty. “We need to tell Bellamy. We need to warn them. There’s no reason they won’t turn the fog on him if they get to close.” Monty nods. Clarke looks at Jasper, who’s just sitting there, looking like he’s going to throw up. She wants to feel sorry for him, but she can’t. He’d had a choice, just like the rest of them, and he’d chosen chocolate cake over common sense. But she couldn’t hate him either, so she offers him a smile as a peace offering, and he accepts it with a grimace.

“Jasper, I’m so sorry,” Maya says to him, whispering, hand on his thigh. He looks at her like he doesn’t know her and nods.

“You did what you thought was right,” he manages. “But you were wrong.” Maya nods.

“I know. I’m sorry. If I could come with you, I would,” she offers. “I’d leave the mountain.” Jasper looks like he might cry, and Clarke doesn’t really want to interrupt, but she has to.

“When the others go to the exit, you’ll come with me to the cages. Help me get them unlocked and get everyone into the chute. You can say I threatened you, held you at gun point,” Clarke says, offering her safety after they are gone, as best she can. It is a consolation prize, and she knows it, but Maya accepts it with a grateful smile. And Clarke knows they are ready.

“When are we doing this?” Jasper asks her, suddenly full of confidence, and Clarke looks at him, considering.

“I told Bellamy three days,” Clarke says, but Maya shakes her head.

“They start taking you in two days,” she says. “They’re going to give you work assignments and then one of you won’t make it back.” Clarke feels sick. She has answer to the question she asked herself in medical: fourteen days. It takes fourteen days for chocolate cake to turn into cages and she forgets how to breathe.

“Tomorrow then,” Clarke says. Panic and excitement war in her chest. She looks past Monty and to her people, her friends, who are happy and feel safe, and she has to shatter this for them. She wants to cry, but she won’t. She swallows down the lump in her throat. _I wish that Bellamy were here._ She has no idea what she’s going to say to them. _It’s not easy, being in charge._ He’d been more present in her head since she’d heard his voice on the radio, and there was a part of her that almost wished she hadn’t spoken to him at all. She took a breath, steadying herself, and looked to Monty. “You need to tell Bellamy the plans have changed. You have to warn him. We’re going to have to keep the rescue party small and hope to fly under the radar. But they’re going to need to be armed, and be carrying extra weapons for us when we get out,” Clarke wishes she could keep the urgency out of her voice, but she can’t, at least she still sounds confident. Monty nods.

“I’ll go now. Who shall I take?” he asks. Clarke sighs.

“I don’t know. Which one are you more likely to make out with?” Clarke asks, tired, suddenly, of making every decision. But she doesn’t miss Monty’s barely-there blush.

“I’ll take Harper, fill her in. Miller will want to hear it from you,” he says, before darting off to do that. Clarke swallows and looks back to Jasper and Maya, staring at her.

“It was a cover?” Jasper asks. Clarke sighs again. This is what matters? This stupid game of he kissed her and she likes him? It’s easy to forget we’re all teenagers, she thinks to herself.

“It was,” she says. “And now it’s not.” Jasper nods, taking in the information, and then he looks to Maya.

“One more night,” he says softly, and Maya looks at him with a kind of desperate sadness she recognises from the moment she closed the door on the boy she thought she loved once, and the man who she might. They clasp hands and Clarke suddenly misses Miller more than she can put into words, desperate for that balm of human touch.

“Go. We’ll tell everyone tomorrow morning,” Clarke says.

“I’ll block the microphones when you do,” Maya says, as they stand and leave. And Clarke wishes there wasn’t so much she didn’t know, despite everything she’d guessed. She’s only alone for a minute before Nate sits beside her. She finds that she can’t speak, just shifts onto his lap and presses her face into his shoulder as he holds her, stroking her back.

“I’ve got you,” he whispers into her hair. “No matter what. I’ve got your back. I’ll keep you safe.”  And as Clarke nods into his shoulder, trying not to cry with the weight of everything crushing her, she wonders, not for the first time, if he’s only here because he thinks it’s what Bellamy would want, for her not to be alone.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gives an impassioned speech, and Miller leads the kids to the surface. It's a shame that airlocks have to operated by someone though.

Clarke refuses to let herself think about Bellamy, refuses to think about how much better he could do this. She’s standing in front of forty-seven people, her people, and it doesn’t matter how anyone else would do this.

“I know that you’ve all enjoyed your time here at Mount Weather, but unfortunately, it has been a lie. They took us and held us here and tricked us into a false sense of security, all the while planning to kill us for our blood, for their survival. They need our blood to stay alive and they are taking it from the Grounders by force. They are locked in cages in Medical right now, I’ve seen them. And Maya tells me that we’re next. Starting the day after tomorrow we will be taken one by one.

“But I say, let’s not give them the chance to take us. I say we’re leaving. The Ark is on the ground. There are some of us, our people still out there, alive. And our blood is our own. We leave in one hour. You will follow Miller and Harper, and you will not fall behind Monty and Jasper, and when you make it out, you run. Don’t look back. Bellamy and the others will be waiting for you. I know that you felt safe here, and I’m sorry. But we need to leave if we want to live,” Clarke says, her voice is calm and strong, and no one says anything, just staring at her.

“How do we know you’re telling the truth?” someone asks. She doesn’t see who, but Miller clearly has as he takes a step towards them. She places a hand on his shoulder, stopping him, stepping around him to face them again.

“All I want is for you to be safe. But it’s the ground, and that’s not going to happen. It’s not safe out there. But you won’t survive down here,” she says, and she hates that right now she reminds herself of her mother, of the council, of all their politics and carefully crafted speeches. Nate offers her an encouraging smile, but she can’t accept it.

“Where will you be?” Fox asks. She’s standing up and looking at her. Clarke takes a breath. “You should be leading us out.” There are some murmurs of agreement.

“I will be in Medical freeing the Grounders. The enemy of my enemy is my friend,” Clarke replies, trying not to hold her breath for the reaction. There is dissent, of course there is. But Nate moves again. She wishes he wouldn’t, wishes that he didn’t feel like he had to protect her, and she wishes she knew what it meant that he did.

“Enough. Clarke’s right. Mount Weather has been terrorising the Grounders for years. And without their blood, they’re weaker. It weakens them here and it means that the Grounders might be more willing to not kill us all off instantly,” he cuts over the noise, and there are some murmurs of assent.

“Even if you hate them, no one deserves to be kept in cages, drugged, and bled,” Maya adds. “I’m sorry for what my people are doing, but we don’t all agree with it.” Jasper slips his arm around her, and mutters something in her ear, and she nods. Clarke swallows again, and turns back to face her people.

“This isn’t a debate. You will follow Miller and Monty to the surface and I will meet you in the forest. I’m not leaving anyone to suffer like that none of you are staying here to die,” Clarke says, and she hears that tone in her voice that brooks no argument. _I wish that Bellamy were here,_ she thinks. And then: _Stop it right now, Clarke Griffin. You do not need Bellamy to get these people out. And Miller deserves better than you thinking about him constantly._ She winces internally at herself.

“We leave in an hour. Gather as many clothes as you can carry, and any supplies you can find without drawing attention. You’re going to be walking through three public hallways, so carrying a sheet sack is probably going to be a little suspicious,” Clarke says, and then she walks back to her bunk slowly as the others disperse. Miller is right behind her, at her elbow, and he has his hand on her lower back.

She wants to feel comforted by it, but instead she just feels annoyed. Would he do that to Bellamy after he spoke? Doesn’t he understand that it makes her look weak? But she looks at him and she knows that he’s not thinking about that. He’s making sure she’s okay, he’s telling her wordlessly that he has her back. She sighs. It’s hard. It’s unendingly hard and she steps into his offered embrace anyway, letting him lock his arms around her.

“I’m scared you’re not going to be okay,” he says quietly. “Maya will turn on you or the Reapers will get you or the Grounders will kill you and I won’t be there.” She fights the urge to roll her eyes, this frustration before the battle building in her, and he deserves better than her snapping. So she takes a deep breath, inhaling the comfort of his scent.

“I am going to survive this day,” she says, and there is a steely determination in her tone.

“And then you will be back with Bellamy and Finn,” he replies into her hair. His voice is soft and shaking and she knows what he wants to ask, the things he’s never asked. Wants to know if she loves Bellamy or Finn or both of them. Wants to know if she’s going to leave him in the clean air. She wishes she had answers for him, but she doesn’t.

“So will you,” she offers quietly, and he sighs.

“You said it wasn’t just cover,” Miller says as he steps back, looking at her face carefully.

“It’s not. You know that, Nate,” she says. He swallows.

“But that doesn’t mean that whatever this is will still exist on the ground,” he says. There is something resigned in his eyes, and sad, and wanting. She doesn’t know the future. All she knows is that the only times she has felt like she can cry in front of anyone have been in front of him, and that means something, doesn’t it?

“It doesn’t mean it won’t either,” she says, and her voice is almost a whisper. He brushes some hair behind her ear, his fingers pausing along her jaw. She looks into his dark eyes and wishes he were less stoic and easier to read.

“Whatever happens, I’ve got your back. Together or not,” he says eventually, and there is something in his voice that makes her think he is unsure too. She’s not in love with him, and she knows that, but she thinks that if she really wanted to be, that she could be one day, and he wonders if he feels the same and is caught in the same limbo of not knowing if it is something that he really actually wants.

“I’m going to medical now. Get them out, Nate. I’m trusting you to keep them safe,” Clarke tells him, and she leans up and kisses him. For all that she doesn’t know, she genuinely hopes that it is not for the last time. He pulls her in to his body and angles her to deepen the kiss. It is over too soon, because there is something that calms inside of her when their lips are together. Her thoughts are raging again, planning, speculating.

“May we meet again,” he says quietly, giving her one last long look. She nods.

“May we meet again.”

 

\---

 

Miller’s not really sure how he feels as he watches her go. He watches her leave with Maya, and there is a small part of him that wonders if they’re not actually going to meet again. And if they do… he remembers the way she said Finn’s name on the radio, and the way she slumped with relief when she heard Bellamy’s voice. He remembers the way Monty’s eyes twinkled when he smiled. He glanced over at Monty who was helping one of the younger boys put on an extra shirt to surreptitiously carry more clothing. He sighed. He had no idea what was going on in his head at all, let alone what is going on in hers. He looked at the doors that Clarke had disappeared through and ignored the way his gut clenched, as though that may be the last time he saw her. He should have said something else. But he shakes his head. They have to leave in less than an hour, and he has to be ready. He shoves his emotions aside and turns to find Jasper and go over the map with him one last time. As he does, he notices that Clarke has left behind two pencils on her bed. He pauses. She’s not normally disorganised, but he can’t imagine her not wanting them when she gets out either, so he pockets them before going on his way.

 

Half an hour later, Miller was questioning why it was so important for them to not look conspicuous with their belongings when there were forty-seven of them trudging through hallways they didn’t normally go down en masse. He cut his eyes to Monty who seemed to be looking similarly concerned. They hadn’t passed many people, but the ones they had passed looked suspicious. Maya was meant to be waiting for them at the next door and if she wasn’t there… He swallowed hard as he turned the corner and sighed with relief when he saw her.

“Thank god,” Monty breathed out, exchanging another with him. Miller grinned tightly.

“We’ve got this,” Miller mutters, more to himself than anyone else, but Monty bumps his shoulder anyway, agreeing. Maya offers them a panicked smile.

“She made it into the tunnels with the Grounders,” Maya says, she looks so incredibly sad, and Miller understand why. She’s about to be left behind because they can’t take her with them.

“Thank you,” he says. “I’m sorry.” She offers him another tight smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.

“It was the right thing to do. Now go, before someone reports your parade,” Maya says, and pulls open the door, revealing the stair way to the surface. “Use my key card and the air lock. Please. I don’t… we don’t all deserve to die,” she says quietly, and Miller nods accepting the offered card. He opens the door and holds it, he’s about to usher the others through, but Monty stops him.

“You’re leading us, Miller. You go first,” he says. He wants to argue. Bellamy wouldn’t go first. Clarke wouldn’t go first. They’d make sure they were through absolutely last and everyone else was safe. They’d do it to sacrifice themselves if necessary. But Clarke had told him to lead them through as well. He sighed.

“Jasper,” Miller called out to the crowd, watching as he weaved his way through. When he made it to the front Miller gestured for him to take the door. “You go through last. You make sure every single one of them makes it through this door and then you shut it and you break it so no one else can get through.” Jasper nods, and looks at Maya. Miller sighs. “And you make damn sure you’re on the right side of the door when it closes,” he adds, because he knows that look, wishes he could look like that at someone and know he’d give everything up for them. But he doesn’t. Jasper nods, and Miller takes that as good enough. He turns back to the crowd.

“Quiet and fast,” he instructs. “Help each other. The airlock needs to be done at least twice, so no shoving. Wait your turn. We will all get out of here.” He watches them nod before he turns his back and begins climbing the stairs.

There are so many damn stairs. He has time to pray to whatever gods are left that Clarke is going to be on the other side of the door, and that Bellamy is too. Time to pray that he wasn’t lying, that they were all going to get out of here. Time to hope that his father is on the ground too, because for all that happened he really would like to see him again, he thinks his dad would be proud of who he’s become. The airlock is big enough for maybe twenty of them, and Monty moves straight to the control pad like he knows what he’s doing. He probably does, Miller reminds himself, smart and good looking and a heart of gold. He sighs at his thoughts and focuses on sorting out who goes through first in his head.

“Okay, the airlock door is open,” Monty tells him, and Miller spins the lock open and pulls, opening the portal. As Miller steps aside, Monty shakes his head.

“You go through with the first group. I need to operate the lock,” Monty says, and there is something in his voice that makes Miller pause.

“Someone has to operate the airlock from the outside,” Miller says quietly. Monty offers him a small smile.

“No plan is perfect,” he offers with a shrug. “It’s okay.” Miller shakes his head.

“Like hell it’s okay!” Miller tries not to shout, he really does. But he can’t help it. He can’t watch Monty sacrifice himself and his reaction is deeper in his gut than he could have imagined. Miller hears the door shut and Jasper break the lock. He knows there are other ways in to this stair case, but at least they can feel a little more secure.

“We’re all in,” Jasper calls up. Miller works his jaw. They don’t have time for this.

“Harper, you’re with the first group. Take as many as will fit. We’ll give you the signal when you can open the main door,” Miller tells her and she nods her assent. She pauses by Monty, though, and touches his arm.

“I hope you don’t have to do what I think you have to do,” she says quietly. “But if you do, I want you to know that I won’t forget you, Monty Green.” She kisses his cheek gently and Miller wonders for a moment if he had been the only one who didn’t know, if Clarke had known and sent them here anyway knowing that one of them would have to stay behind. He should have dragged Maya up here, made her operate the lock, would have if he’d known. She has to stay behind anyway. Instead, he watches what Monty does carefully as he seals the airlock and unlocks the main door.

When the door opens, he sees Bellamy and his father just outside the door. And he wishes that his father wasn’t here to see what he’s about to do. What he has to do. Because it’s what they’d do. And they, Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin, are the best people, the best leaders, that he’s ever known. He watches as the first group rushes out and are embraced, Miller catches Bellamy’s eyes and he nods his thanks and hello. He returns it. Harper pushes the door closed again and his stomach clenches. He can feel the restless feeling of the others as they have to wait through this moment, as they have to feel like he does, like they’re going to be trapped again. There is some shoving but he turns around to face them as Monty decontaminates the airlock with a rush of air.

“Five minutes. Wait five more minutes and you’re going to be out there with them. Not everyone deserves to die,” he reminds them, and they settle. He’s not sure he believes that, but it’s what Clarke believes, and what Bellamy believes too probably, so it’s good enough for him. Everyone has made it to the landing now, and he notices Jasper pressing up through the remaining twenty towards him. And there, over his shoulder, is Maya. Miller nearly sinks to his knees in relief. He elbows Monty, forcing him to look up from the keypad, even as the airlock door disengages again. He takes in Jasper, and Maya behind him, and Monty makes a noise that sounds a lot like a sob.

“Can you work the airlock?” Monty asks hesitantly. Maya nods. “Will you?” There is a pause. Miller realises that it is one thing to say Clarke held her at knife point to get into Medical, but another thing entirely to work the airlock when they are sealed inside it and she could just walk away. But she nods.

“I can’t make you stay here. I’m going to die anyway,” Maya says quietly, and Jasper looks devastated. Miller swallows, there isn’t time for this. No time for the thank you that she deserves or goodbye she has earned. He can already hear the banging on the door. He yanks the airlock open.

“Get inside,” he says. “Now.” And the remaining twenty press themselves in, and Miller waits until everyone is inside except Monty and Jasper and himself. Monty is still standing by the control pad and Jasper has wrapped himself around Maya.

“I’m sorry guys, we don’t have time,” Miller says, and he pulls Monty by his shirt and pushes him in the door. Jasper pulls back from Maya, arms extended but holding her shoulders. “Now, Jasper. We don’t have time.” He sprints to the door as if he would hesitate if he didn’t. As if he is tempted to stay. Miller steps over the threshold and starts pulling the door toward him. When it closes he steps to the side to look at Maya through the glass.

“Thank you for your sacrifice,” he says to her. “May we meet again.” The kids in the airlock echo his words as she presses the button to unlock the main door. She’s crying and Miller turns away from her, shifting his way through the airlock to open the main door. He stands there at the threshold as everyone passes by before him. Again, all that are left are Monty and Jasper and himself. Monty is hovering in the middle of the room and Jasper is still pressed at the glass, looking at Maya.

“We have to go. Clarke is in the Reaper tunnels. They’re coming for us,” Miller reminds them, and Monty grabs Jasper’s arm and pulls him away from the glass and out the door. Jasper doesn’t say “I love you” and Miller wonders why he doesn’t. Harper launches herself at Monty when he’s over the threshold. But Miller turns again, and starts closing the door. Bellamy appears beside him, helping him push the heavy metal back, not that he needs it. They pause when the door is closed, and look at each other.

“You did good, Miller,” Bellamy says, clapping his hand on Miller’s shoulder. But Miller can see in his eyes that there is something that he is not saying. He’s about to ask what it is, but Bellamy cuts his thought off. “Now let’s go get our princess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I've got to be honest with you, here is where we reach an impasse. 
> 
> Prior to now, I've been writing ahead, usually two or three chapters ahead. I know what's going to happen and we have plenty of time to write and review the next chapter. This is the last "approved" chapter. I have a rough outline that puts us at chapter twelve being the final chapter. BUT, they aren't written and what I've written of chapter nine isn't wonderful (lots of tension between Finn (who is not in his right mind), Bellamy, Clarke, and Miller and it just feels awkward). I'm also back into studying (half way through semester -- Australia runs on a different university breakdown), so I don't have as much time for writing as I did either. 
> 
> I guess what I'm saying is, it's going to take a while for the next chapter probably. And I'm not 110% sure I'm going to finish it. Which upsets me because when I started writing this story, I had this fantastic little snippet of Bellamy and Clarke dialogue I was excited about and I just NEED TO GET THERE. Anyway, keep commenting and kudos-ing and reminding me not to forget about this one and I promise to at least fix chapter nine and post it within a month.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang's back together again, but something isn't right with Finn, and Miller's not sure how he feels about seeing the way Bellamy and Clarke share space.

“Has she… is she okay?” Bellamy asks, and Miller wishes he had an answer. He has been walking alongside Bellamy and his father for five minutes, heading toward the Reaper tunnels that Clarke and the Grounders are exiting. No one has spoken since they headed in that direction, and Miller’s pretty sure it’s because no one really knows what to say. Miller fights back a sigh and looks at his friend. Bellamy’s jaw is tight, and he can see the emotions coiling through his body.

 

“Last I saw her she seemed okay. Determined, nervous, but, she’s Clarke,” Miller shrugs. Bellamy gave a small smile.

 

“So she looked like she was off to fight a war, huh?” he asked. Miller grinned back.

 

“Isn’t that how she always looks?” Miller returns, and Bellamy almost laughs. Miller almost feels like things are normal.

 

“She must take after her parents,” his father says. Miller turns to look at him. He looks tired, more tired than he thinks he’s ever seen him, but there is relief etched on his face, and he’s quietly pleased that he was so missed.

 

“What do you mean by that?” Bellamy asks, defensive of his princess. Miller swallows. His father shakes his head.

 

“Her father, Jake, was a good man. Smart, clever with problems, cared about everyone. But Abby’s all determination and grit and focussed on the greater good. Seems like Clarke’s the best of both of them,” he elaborates. Miller nods. Bellamy doesn’t seem overly convinced. But Miller can see it, Clarke’s grit and cleverness and care, can understand his father’s point of view.

 

“She’s one of a kind. We wouldn’t have survived without her,” Bellamy mutters, and Miller nods. There is a pause before Bellamy continues, looking at Miller. “Thank you for being on her side.” Miller swallows down hard and tries not to hate himself.

 

“She had this look in her eye and I knew she… and you would have listened to her. So I did,” Miller begins, but he can’t finish or explain that he’s a little in love with her, and the gratitude on Bellamy’s face is overwhelming.

 

“You’re a good friend,” Bellamy says. Miller shakes his head, he’s really not.

 

“You’ve done well, son,” his father agrees, and Miller can’t stop the surge of pride that it causes in him, even though he knows he doesn’t really deserve it. Ahead, he can see Finn and Murphy standing by the treeline, and he knows that this is where Clarke and the Grounders will come out. But it doesn’t look right, something is wrong and his hand flexes on the gun that Bellamy had handed him earlier and he looks up at his friend. He can see the muscle in his jaw flex.

 

“Watch Finn. He’s not himself,” Bellamy says quietly, and Miller only just catches it, and nods his assent, knowing the full story will come later.

 

“She should be here by now,” Miller mutters. Bellamy shifts slightly and his father places a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Give her time, she’ll be here,” he mutters. Miller swallows. He wants to disagree with him, he doesn’t know Clarke, doesn’t know what she’s like, but he doesn’t know how to say it without sounding like he’s lovesick. He’s saved having to figure it out by her emerging from the mines, followed by what must be a hundred grounders in white bandaged underwear. Clarke finds Bellamy in the crowd instantly, and they move toward each other like magnets, and Miller can’t tear his eyes away from the way that they can’t take their eyes off each other. They stop a respectable distance away from each other, but the air between them is charged with tension.

 

“Do we have a rendezvous point with the Grounders?” Clarke asks Bellamy. Bellamy nods tersely.

 

“We’re taking them to TonDC, it’s Lincoln’s village. Octavia is waiting for us there,” Bellamy begins, and then pauses. Clarke looks at him, her eyebrows raised, reading him look a book. Miller tries not to wince at their silent exchange, their near telepathy. He can’t compete with this. Bellamy cuts his eyes to Finn and Clarke follows his gaze. Finn is looking at her in a way that makes Miller uncomfortable and he shifts to stand closer to her, protecting her. Bellamy nods and Clarke winces.  Miller wonders what just happened, and hates feeling this lost. Then Clarke smiles at him, pulling him in for a hug and kissing his cheek.

 

“I’m glad you’re okay. Did we get everyone out?” she asks softly as they start moving towards TonDC. Miller nods.

 

“Yeah, we had a problem with the airlock, and Monty tried to stay behind to save us, but Maya came through for us again. How about you? Any problems?” Miller replied quietly. Clarke shook her head.

 

“Poor Maya. No, we were fine. I mean, there were a couple of Reapers but the Grounders took them out quickly enough,” Clarke glances behind her at the hundred or so people she’s rescued. “I think they’ll recover. Anya told them to trust me and they seem to trust her. I hope this means we’re going to get a peace talk.” Miller nods.

 

“Well you did more for them than most would, Clarke. I hope they’ll listen, they’d be stupid not to,” he replies, and he’s rewarded with another smile. He swallows down, letting the silence lapse between them until Clarke’s looking around again.

 

“I should find Jasper. He’s probably devastated about Maya,” she notes, and Miller nods, watching he walk away through the crowd to find him. At least she’s not going straight for Bellamy. Or Finn, and what is going on there? Finn looks like a ghost, trudging weaponless beside an armed Murphy, which is a sight that makes no sense at all. His father falls in beside him again once it is clear that Clarke isn’t coming back.

 

“Nathan, I… Bellamy told me about what you’ve done since you landed. How you’ve stepped up. I’m proud of you,” his father says quietly. “Always have been really.” Miller can’t stop his smirk.

 

“So you were proud of me when I was thrown in the Skybox for theft?” he asks. His father chuckles quietly.

 

“Proud might have been overstating it,” he admits. “But I was impressed that you managed to pick that lock.” Miller grins at his father and is surprised at the way he feels like maybe everything is going to be okay.

 

 

 

Clarke is exhausted. She’s trying to make her way back up to the front of the group again and see if Bellamy is going to tell her what the hell is going on with Finn. All she knows is that she’s meant to stay back a little because he’s not himself. And that she’s missed the way they can have a conversation without words. Jasper’s holding up okay, but she thinks that is mainly because Monty hasn’t left his side, and Harper won’t leave Monty’s side. The younger kids are keeping up okay, and everyone seems to be doing well, and keeping their distance from the Grounders. She’d stopped by Anya to make sure they were alright, and made a hasty retreat when she’d seen her lip curl. Despite the fact they’d been kept in cages, heavily sedated, and drained of their blood, the Grounders were still ready for a fight if anyone doubted them. She admired that a lot, but there was no reason to put herself in the firing line of it. She was still lost in thought when Finn appeared beside her, grasping her hands in his.

 

“Clarke, I’m so glad I found you,” he says, his eyes wide and strangely vacant. She wants to pull back from him suddenly, this isn’t the boy she knew. But then, she reminds herself, she never really knew Finn, did she? She’s about to reply when Murphy’s there, gun in hand, and she’s really not sure how she feels about that. Her eyes flick around searching for Bellamy or Nate, the men she trusts to keep her safe.

 

“Step away from her, Finn,” Murphy says quietly. Clarke frowns.

 

“No, I just found her. I’m not letting her go again,” Finn says, and even his voice sounds strangely vacant now she thinks of it. She swallows. This is what Bellamy meant by ‘not right’. She pulls her hands from his grasp. Finn frowns and snatches them back again. “No, I love you. I lost you. And I won’t lose you again,” he says. She looks to Murphy for help (which is something she thought she’d never do). Murphy pulls Finn backwards slightly.

 

“Bellamy!” Murphy calls out, and stands between Finn and Clarke. The group moves around them, and Clarke is grateful that it doesn’t turn into a spectator affair.

 

“Get out of my way, Murphy,” Finn says as Bellamy appears through the crowd. He takes in the scene quickly and stands beside Clarke.

“Stay away from her, Finn. I will bind your hands if I have to, but I don’t want to,” Bellamy cautions. Clarke frowns.

 

“What… what happened?” she asks quietly. Bellamy looks at her, and he doesn’t want to say it, it’s clear on his face, and she knows that he’s asking if he has to, so she just waits expectantly.

 

“He killed eighteen people in TonDC looking for you,” he says quietly. “He snapped.” Clarke’s frown deepens. That’s not like Finn. That’s not the Finn she knows at all. Not the boy she thought she might have loved, and not the boy she left behind when she was taken that she thought she trusted.

 

“He wouldn’t stop,” Murphy adds. “I told him to stop.” Clarke feels ill.

 

“I had to find you, Clarke. They had your watch. Your clothes. I had to find you,” Finn says. Clarke tries not to hyperventilate. She hears someone mutter as they pass to find Miller, and she thinks that sounds like an excellent idea, but she’s also deeply concerned about what has happened to Finn, what is happening here.

 

“Well,” she says after a moment. “I’m here now. And we’re all going to TonDC and then we’ll talk later, okay Finn?” Finn seems to take this well enough and let’s Murphy lead him away.

 

“I love you, Clarke. Remember that I love you,” he says over his shoulder, and she manages to nod, even though she wants to shake her head. Bellamy puts a hand on her arm.

 

“Are you okay?” he asks her gently. She looks up at him weakly, shaking her head. She’s really not okay. He did that to find her, and there is a part of her that feels responsible. But she’s not sure what she could have done differently to make him not do it either.

 

“I’ll be fine. I just don’t understand,” she begins, but she’s interrupted by Nate’s arrival. He looks at her, concern written all over his face.

 

“Clarke,” he says. She smiles at him softly. Of course he’s concerned, of course he’s here. There is something so incredibly reassuring about his presence.

 

“I’m fine, Nate,” she says. “Just… Finn.” She shrugs, not really sure how to go on. He nods, and his arm twitches, as if he’s about to reach out of her, but he looks at Bellamy, then back to her, and changes his mind. Clarke understands his conflict.

 

“Yeah, Finn seems a little tweaked,” Nate agrees. Bellamy nods, looking between them like he’s missing something.

 

“Losing you… it changed him,” Bellamy says, his voice low. Clarke shakes her head.

 

“It’s not… he… I told him I couldn’t forgive him. I don’t… I don’t understand why this happened,” she manages. There’s so much more she could say about broken hearts and not being in love with him, but she doesn’t know how to say it to the two men in front of her, and she’s not sure how she feels about either of them right at this second. She sighs, shaking her head.

 

“He loves you. It’s not… when you were gone... We went to the drop ship and you weren’t there,” Bellamy tries, but he can’t finish, looking at her strangely. “You scared me too. I thought I wouldn’t find you again.” Clarke offers him a wry half smile.

 

“You won’t get rid of me that easily, it seems,” she replies, and then swallows. “I never thought you were dead.” Bellamy looks a little shocked by this information, and Nate shifts uncomfortably beside them.

 

“It’s true,” he confirms, and the look on his face breaks Clarke’s heart a little. “We all thought… but she never used the past tense.” Clarke smiles at him, but he looks away, and then turns and leaves. She wishes she knew what was going on in his head. It feels like he’s just made a decision about their relationship she should have been a part of, but she doesn’t know how to address it. Instead, she just starts walking, and Bellamy walks beside her.

 

“You had faith in me,” he says quietly after a moment. Clarke nods. She wants to say something sarcastic, make him laugh, but she can’t bring herself to do it. She is reminded of the day found the rifles, the day that Dax tried to kill them.

 

“I need you,” she says quietly instead. “It’s selfish. I just couldn’t contemplate doing this on my own.”

 

“You had _Nate_ ,” Bellamy counters, something strange in his voice. Clarke shook her head.

 

“Not the same,” she responds. “He’s great. He’s supportive and smart…” her voice trails off and she’s not sure how to finish without making it sound like Nate isn’t good enough or up to scratch. She shakes her head.

 

“But?” Bellamy asks her. She sighs.

 

“He’s a great second in command, but he’s not a co-leader. He’s not you,” Clarke admits, and prays he doesn’t hear the way her voice broke when she said the last word. Bellamy is silent beside her for almost a full minute, and she’s contemplating all the things she could say to make it sound less like a confession of love and more like a business arrangement.

 

“I missed you too, Princess,” Bellamy says in the end, and Clarke smiles to herself, letting her hair cover her face so he can’t see. “And I don’t want to do this without you either.”  They walk in an easy silent companionship for a while, before Bellamy laughs. Clarke looks up at him, question on her face. He shakes his head.

 

“Of course, your mother is Chancellor now, so maybe we don’t have to do it at all,” Bellamy offers. Clarke laughs, in disbelief at first, and then in acceptance, shaking her head. She thinks of her father, of her mother’s beliefs, and swallows down hard.

 

“I think you’ll find we still have plenty to do,” Clarke says quietly. “We need to make sure they don’t bring the Exodus Charter to the ground.” When she glances over at Bellamy, he’s looking at her strangely, and if she didn’t know better she’d say he was impressed.

 

“Brave Princess,” he says quietly, and she laughs, remember their first day on Earth, with his hand on her bracelet and her declaration that the only way that the Ark would think she was dead was if she was. He grins back at her, clearly remember the same moment.

 

“We’ve come a long way in a short time, Bellamy Blake,” she says. “I did wonder if you’d drop me then.” Bellamy exhales sharply and shakes his head.

 

“I wondered too. I’m glad I didn’t though. Can’t imagine doing this without you, Clarke,” he admits, and there is something else in his voice. She remembers it from the way that Nate says ‘I’ve got your back’, from the moment when she believed that Finn loved her, and she wonders if she’s imagining everything. But now is not the time or the place. They have a peace treaty to broker.

 

“How much farther to TonDC?” Clarke asks. Bellamy frowns slightly at the change of subject.

 

“About two more hours,” Bellamy says. Clarke nods.

 

“I’m going to check on everyone again. I’ll find you before we arrive,” she says, and turns back into the group, heading backwards to find where Monty, Jasper, and Harper were bringing up the rear again. She had a job to do, to take care of them. It was easier to look after her friends than it was to wade through her emotions. Besides, she figured as she caught sight of Monty, there’d be time enough to sort through her emotions later. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a chapter! LadyUgh has not seen this yet... so we're just going to pretend she has... I really want to finish this story for you guys, and you've been so wonderful with your comments and kudos, especially for a very uncommon pairing of MillerxClarke (Marke? Ciller? Griller? Millin? None of those). I've started on Chapter 10 and we are on track for a Chapter 12 end at this stage :)


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (this chapter is not ladyugh's fault and I take sole responsibility)
> 
> Finn faces the penalty for what he has done. 
> 
> Clarke and Bellamy hold a council meeting.
> 
> Bellamy and Miller have a discussion.

It’s almost sunset when they arrive at TonDC, Anya, Clarke and Bellamy are leading the group, walking side by side. Clarke feels like it’s the best decision. Bellamy still thinks the Grounders can’t be trusted, and Anya has agreed that she will make sure they get an audience with the Commander given they’ve just freed a hundred of their people from the Mountain. Clarke wishes any of that could reassure her, because her heart is beating so hard she feels like it’s going to explode, and she can’t remember the last time she was so scared. Anya scowls at her, as if she can hear her heartbeat.

“Almost there, sky girl,” Anya tells her. Clarke can feel Bellamy tense beside her.

“Thank you, Anya,” she replies, and pretends she doesn’t notice that Anya’s tone makes her words sound vaguely like a threat.

“It’s not too late, you know Clarke. We can still walk away from this,” Bellamy mutters just under his breath. Clarke shakes her head.

“This is the best shot at a peace treaty we’re ever going to get with these people. We can’t fight a war on two fronts while building a settlement. We need this to survive,” Clarke whispers back.

“Do you think your mother is going to like this?” Bellamy asks, and Clarke feels the emotion drain from her, the coldness setting in. She senses Anya looking at her curiously.

“She’s going to have to like it, isn’t she? She sent us down here to die, and we didn’t. If they want to survive, they’re going to have to listen to us,” Clarke says, her voice louder and more dangerous than their previous mutterings. Anya smiles at her, her lips curving viciously.

“You’re not as weak as we thought, sky girl,” Anya says, and it feels like high praise. Bellamy glares at her but Clarke shakes her head almost imperceptibly, and he looks away. She tries to keep her breathing even. This isn’t going to be easy. She wants to turn around, look for Nate in the crowd, see him smile at her. But she hasn’t seen him smile since they got out of the Mountain, and she doesn’t think he’d do it now. Bellamy shifts so he’s walking slightly closer to her as TonDC comes into view.

“You’ve got this, Clarke,” he breathes, and gives her a look that makes her feel like she actually does. She swallows and nods in return, not having words, but knowing she would do anything it takes to make this work. Not even half an hour later, she’s wondering how true that statement was.

 

Lexa, the Commander, is not what she was expecting. She’s petite, thin, and despite the war paint, clearly young and pretty. Clarke wonders how they choose their leaders, because she can’t imagine a warrior tribe voting in a seventeen year old girl. Then again, she didn’t exactly come to power in a way that could be deemed conventional either. If you could call what she had power. Mostly what she had was a lot of headaches and forty-eight teenagers. They’d been talking for twenty minutes, and Clarke had tried to be diplomatic as Lexa had listed off the crimes of the Sky People. She had tried to be polite as she offered suggestions for future trading. She tried to be humble but confident because she had already proven their worth in bringing their people out of the Mountain, a feat never before accomplished. But she was reaching a point of desperation and she missed Bellamy desperately, no one else had been allowed in the room to negotiate with her. He was always better at this: talking to other people, getting them to understand and believe in things. She was strategy, behind the scenes. She’s ready to ask for a reprieve, a break. Anything, when Lexa decides to accept the treaty.

“Very well Clarke of the Sky People. You may have your peace treaty. We will discuss trade negotiations at a later date,” Lexa says archly, and Clarke feels the relief flood her.

“Thank you, Commander,” Clarke responds, and she’s about to say more, but Lexa cuts her off.

“All we ask in return is the one you call Finn. He massacred eighteen people. If death has no cost, life has no value. Blood must have blood,” Lexa says. Clarke feels her mouth go dry, and she licks her lips, thinking.

“You want me to hand over Finn to you so you can kill him?” Clarke asks slowly, carefully. She wants to make sure she understands. Lexa nods.

“Yes. He doesn’t leave TonDC alive. You can either die with him, or live and have a peace treaty with us,” Lexa says. “You may go. I will hear your decision in one hour.”

 

Clarke shuffles out of the tent in a daze, walking toward her people quickly. Miller sees her first, and he stands to greet her. Bellamy appears beside him in seconds. She swallows hard. She doesn’t want to do this, say that this is the thing they have to do. When she reaches them she takes a deep breath. Miller looks like he wants to hug her, and she wants him to desperately. Instead she takes a steadying breath.

“Nate, can you please go get Monty and Harper? We need to have a meeting,” she says softly. He nods, but then pauses.

“Jasper?” he asks. Clarke closes her eyes, having forgotten for a moment. She presses her lips together thinking. He’s going to be no good to them, probably, but she needs Monty. She shakes her head.

“See if Fox or someone can stay with him,” Clarke says, and Nate’s gone before she has a chance to even finish her sentence. She turns to Bellamy who’s looking at her with a question in his eyes.

“Well, it clearly didn’t go well if you want to have a council meeting,” he says drily and she almost smiles at him. Almost. But she feels sick to her stomach.

“They want Finn. We can have a peace treaty if we let them kill Finn for his crimes,” Clarke whispers. Bellamy’s jaw works.

“Exodus Charter,” he says. Clarke swallows again, because he’s right, and he’s in her head again. “If he’d killed eighteen of us we’d kill him,” Bellamy adds after a moment. Clarke shakes her head.

“Do you remember what we said? We said we don’t get to decide who lives and dies,” she returns. Bellamy shook his head, frowning.

“We aren’t deciding, Clarke, they are,” he returned. “I’m assuming it doesn’t matter what we say. Either we let them do this or they massacre us all. I don’t want this, Clarke. But I don’t want everyone to die either.” Clarke sighs heavily. She knows this, and she agrees.

“I want Murphy on the council for this one. And I think Finn should be allowed to have a say,” she says eventually. Bellamy looks at her like she’s crazy.

“Are you out of your damn mind?” he asks her. “Sure, let’s ask the guy who’s had a psychotic break and the guy who murdered two of our people to join the council.” Clarke raises her eyebrows at him.

“I’m not saying they join our inner circle, I’m just saying that on this issue, I think they should be here. Murphy is the one who was with him, and he’s the one who has had to face the harsher side of life here. And it is Finn’s life,” Clarke explains. Bellamy shakes his head.

“I understand what you’re saying, but I really don’t trust Finn around you right now. And we can’t exactly leave him unguarded given our situation,” Bellamy replies. Clarke sighs.

“Well, what do you suggest then?” she asks. It is Bellamy’s turn to sigh.

“Fine. I’ll go get them,” he says, resigned. He turns to go, but pauses and comes back. “Clarke? I’m really… I’m glad you’re here.” She understands in that moment that he is saying that he missed leading with her, missed these discussions, missed her company. It is much more than his words implied, and she smiles at him in response, telling him she feels the same way without words. He nods, receiving her message, and heading to find Finn and Murphy. Clarke watches him go. There is something about being with Bellamy, just standing beside him, that makes her feel like everything is going to be okay. It’s not something she’s ever felt before, but there is a deep seated feeling of right-ness when they’re together. She doesn’t know if it’s romantic or not, but she does know that she never wants to find herself without it again.

 

-

 

Miller finds himself seated between Monty and Clarke in the circle, and he wonders how this happened. His knee is touching Clarke’s, but Monty’s has his weight on his arms, and one of those happens to have landed just behind his shoulder. He can feel the body heat radiating off both of them as the sky darkens, shifting from the twilight when they entered the village into true night time. He’s trying to sit really still and not lean in either direction, but he wonders how he ended up sitting in between the two people he has no idea how he feels about, but he’s pretty sure it’s more than “just friends”.

“We don’t have much time. The Grounders will give us a peace treaty with the possibility of extending into trade agreements. In return, we let them punish Finn for his crimes,” Clarke says.

“What crimes?” Harper asks, leaning forward. She glances at Finn, who is staring at Clarke in a way that makes Miller’s stomach turn. Clarke shifts uncomfortably, and without thinking his hand makes it onto her back. She shoots him a quick grateful smile. Bellamy stares at them.

“I just wanted to find Clarke,” Finn says. Murphy shakes his head.

“He killed eighteen people. We went into a village because we found a Grounder with Clarke’s watch. The Grounder told us that the village was holding you guys. Finn lost his shit and killed eighteen people,” Murphy says, in that dry Murphy way that makes you think he doesn’t care about anything. But it is clear in his face that he’s not comfortable with what happened. And when Murphy thinks someone has gone too far… Miller doesn’t let that thought continue. He sighs. He knows that Clarke doesn’t want to do this, but he also knows which way he’s going to vote. Finn, at least, has the sense to look at the ground with something like shame.

“We have a choice. But the choices are start a war over this or give Finn up for peace. While fighting the Mountain Men who I assume will come after us again,” Bellamy says. “I’m not saying I like it. But it’s not like we wouldn’t punish Finn if he killed our people.”

“Yeah, I’m testament to that,” Murphy cuts in. Bellamy shoots him a look, and Murphy shuts up. There is a silence around the circle for a moment.

“I vote we give up Finn,” Miller finds himself saying.

“We shouldn’t have to decide who lives and dies,” Clarke says quietly.

“The punishment fits the crime. It’s not what I want to do, but it’s the right thing for the most people,” Monty says, just as quietly. Harper looks like she’s about to cry.

“No, we can’t,” she whispers.

“I was there. And personally I don’t want to die for Finn,” Murphy says. “I vote we give him up.” The look on Murphy’s face only makes Miller feel better about his decision. He finds himself looking at Bellamy, who has been strangely silent.

“Clarke, I know you said we don’t get to decide who lives and dies. And I know you don’t want to bring the Exodus Charter to the ground, and we’ve all suffered from it. I mean, we were sent here to die. But Finn killed eighteen people, and I don’t know that I trust him to be allowed back into camp anyway. If we banish him, we as good as kill him. I think the right thing to do here is give him up,” Bellamy says. Miller finds himself nodding along.

“Finn? It’s your life. Do you have anything to say?” Clarke asks softly. Finn looks up at her, his eyes having lost the mania that had controlled them, sadness filling them instead. Miller wants to look away, but he won’t. He won’t face away from what they’re doing right now, because he never wants to hide from what he’s done. Even though this feels so wrong.

“Clarke, I’m… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Tell Raven… Don’t tell her. Please don’t tell her. Tell her something else, anything else. Tell her I love her, okay? But give me up. I won’t let you, any of you, die for me,” Finn says, his eyes never leaving Clarke. Miller glances at her. She’s about to cry, but he knows that touching her right now is the wrong decision, offering her comfort is wrong. Her weakness will never be displayed except in private, and this isn’t the time. So he shifts back away from her, watches her stiffen her spine, catches a moment of gratefulness in her eyes before she’s all business.

“I don’t want to do this to you, Finn. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I did… I did love you once,” Clarke says gently. Some of the mania returns to Finn’s eyes for a moment, but he looks away. Clarke takes a deep breath that Miller recognises from the thousand hard decisions he’s seen her make. She swallows. He wishes he could lighten this burden from her, but he can’t.

“All in favour of the peace treaty and Finn’s execution raise your hand,” Clarke says quietly. Miller raises his hand, palm facing outward, to shoulder height, and looks around the circle, meeting no one’s eyes as they all do the same, Finn included. No one wants to look at each other, no one likes what they’re doing. Miller feels sick with it. Clarke stands slowly.

“Thank you,” she says quietly, looking at each of them. “I appreciate your counsel. We’ll… I’ll go now and tell the Commander. Finn? If you… if there’s anyone you want to say goodbye to?” Finn stands up as well, looking at her.

“Just you,” he says softly. “I’ll go with you. Now.” Clarke nods. Miller watches as her eyes find Bellamy’s, and he gives her a nod and another look he can’t read but that Clarke seems to interpret perfectly. He hates it. Hates it with all of his being and is so grateful that Clarke’s burden is eased at the same time. He watches as they walk away.

 

Monty and Harper excuse themselves to go find Jasper as soon as Clarke and Finn are out of ear shot, leaving Miller, Bellamy and Murphy sitting on the ground together. Murphy looks between them, seeming to read something in the situation.

“Well,” he says after a moment. “I’ll just make myself scarce then, shall I?” he asks as he stands up and walks away. Miller can’t meet Bellamy’s eye, and instead looks at the ground in front of him, but he doesn’t move away.

“You and Clarke,” Bellamy says after longer than Miller is comfortable with. He takes a deep breath, it wasn’t like he didn’t know that this would be coming. He swallows before looking up at his friend.

“It’s… I don’t know,” Miller says. Bellamy just looks at him. “It wasn’t like we planned it. It started as cover. No one suspects the two people making out in the hallway of spying. And then it wasn’t cover. And now we’re not in the Mountain anymore and I don’t know.”

“Do you love her?” Bellamy asks, and Miller feels like the question is an interrogation all on its own.

“I don’t know. I think I do sometimes,” he replies as honestly as he can. Bellamy nods once, considering him.

“I do. When I thought she was dead I… It was my biggest regret, not telling her. And when I found out she was alive, I promised myself I would. And I’m going to. But I’m not going to force the issue if she wants to be with you,” Bellamy says. Miller looks at him, tries not to feel sick.

“I knew you loved her. I… in the beginning, it was because you would have believed her. It was for you. But she… she gets under your skin,” Miller explains. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Bellamy sighs, and Miller finds he can look at him again.

“I understand,” he says, looking in the direction Finn and Clarke walked off in, and Miller wonders what he’s thinking. He’s suddenly reminded that Finn fell for her too, and this is the thanks he is rewarded with for loving her. The death they all just voted on. Bellamy sighs again, and gets up. Miller looks in the direction he’s going and sees Octavia heading towards them, followed by her Grounder.

“I’m still glad you’re here, Miller,” Bellamy says, pausing.

“I’m glad you’re here, too,” he responds honestly, and Bellamy walks away, leaving Miller alone with his thoughts.

 

His thoughts are these: he doesn’t know if he’s in love with Clarke Griffin or not, but he thinks he’s going to try and not be if he can. Because there’s no way he can compete with Bellamy Blake. It’s a war he’s not going to win, and he’s only going to get his heart broken if he tries. Every time he sees them together, he finds himself more and more sure that he’s never going to be anything more than a speed bump on the way to them being together eventually. But if she says she wants him, he knows he’s nowhere near selfless enough to say no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know. That is not how it happened with Finn. 
> 
> I get it. 
> 
> But, here's the thing: this is a different situation. They can't take the time to talk to Team Chancellor about it, and Miller's dad is a guard, and not part of a leadership team. Clarke's time in the Mountain with this new group has made her even more assertive and determined. Finn gets a say, they all do. And they aren't going to walk out alive without making this choice. It's going to change things when they get back to camp in the next couple of chapters for sure. And, honestly... Finn did commit a crime -- worse than Murphy did to get banished/floated. I have no problems with the consequences of his actions. I nearly wrote Clarke trying to swap herself out for him, but I couldn't do it. I chickened out. And ultimately, Finn was part of the group that made this decision, and I think that's really important, that reliance on the "council" style of leadership for Space Teens as a group, and you can see that almost from when they landed (Bellamy's council of Murphy (replaced by Jasper) and Miller, and Clarke's council of Finn, Monty, and Wells, and later when their council's join, Raven takes an important role in it and Finn fades back... and honestly if Murphy hadn't taken off with Broses, I think he would have made it back to the inner circle of Bellamy and Clarke. But then I'm a sucker for a trash king with a redemption arc).
> 
> Oh my goodness these notes are almost as long as the chapter! But, for real, I have a lot philosophy and theory about this show. A LOT. So feel free to headcanon with me in the comments OR I made a new fangirl tumblr: wordy-anansi.tumblr.com -- feel free to send me fic requests or whatever too. 
> 
> We're no longer on track for a Chapter 12 finish, looking more like Chapter 13 or 14 right now because I want to do it justice and not rush it and it took longer to kill off Finn than I thought.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things end.   
> Like Finn's life.  
> This is the worst summary I've ever written.

“I see you have made your decision,” Commander Lexa says, and Clarke is struck by how manufactured everything about the girl feels. She can feel Finn standing just behind her and to her left and she almost reaches out and takes his hand, like he did on the bridge with her when they first met Anya. She cuts her eyes to Anya, standing beside the Commander, and for all that she’s still figuring the other woman out, she can see approval in her eyes despite the malicious curl of her lips.

“Yes. In exchange for a peace treaty and the potential trade agreements to be later discussed, we have returned one hundred of your people from Mount Weather and we allow you to punish Finn for his crimes,” Clarke says, and her voice doesn’t shake and her face doesn’t twitch. It’s all fake, of course, this mask, but it serves the purpose. There is movement behind her, though, and she turns to see Grounders stepping forward to take Finn, and suddenly, she can’t let him go without one last goodbye.

“Wait!” she calls out, turning back to Lexa. Lexa raises an eyebrow curiously. “Let me say goodbye to him.”

“You can not save him and still have a peace treaty, Clarke. And his punishment will be death. It is the way it must be,” Lexa says, but there is a curious amusement in her voice. Clarke swallows the lump in her throat and glances back at Finn who is looking at her hopefully.

“I know this. But he was looking for me. The crimes were committed in my name, and for his misguided loyalty, he deserves a proper goodbye,” she says, despite the fact the admission leaves a hollow pit in her stomach and bile in her mouth. Lexa inhales through her noise, considering.

“Very well. You have one minute,” Lexa decides, exhaling, gesturing to the Grounders to step back.

 

Now is not the time for hesitation, and for the boy she thought he was the night they shared in the bunker, she wraps her arms around him and holds him tightly.

“I love you, Clarke,” Finn whispers into her hair. “I don’t want to die knowing you hate me.” Clarke takes a deep breath, burying her face into the crook of his neck.

“I don’t hate you, Finn,” she says. And then, because he is about to die and it was the truth once, and because while she is not in love with him anymore, it will always be the truth, she adds: “I love you.” She can feel that he’s crying, and she knows she doesn’t have much longer, so she gives him one last squeeze and releases him slowly, pulling back to kiss his cheek.

“May we meet again,” she says, and she’s proud that for all the wetness in her eyes, tears do not spill down her cheek. Finn nods.

“May we meet again,” he replies, and takes a step back from her. The Grounders are there almost immediately, and he’s gone. Clarke looks at the door for one more moment, composing herself before turning to face Lexa. Lexa looks amused and Clarke wonders what it would be like to drive a blade into her heart.

“You sacrifice the boy you love for a peace treaty? Perhaps the Sky People are not as weak as we thought,” Lexa comments. Clarke takes a breath and imagines white sheets of paper.

“They sent their children down here to discover if the ground was survivable or die. What made you think they were weak at all?” Clarke asks, her voice devoid of emotion, and Lexa smiles like a predator.

“I like you, Clarke of the Sky People. I look forward to seeing you at trade negotiations. You and your people may rest here tonight before you journey on to the rest of your people tomorrow,” Lexa offers. Clarke nods.

“Thank you, Commander,” she says, and she turns and leaves the tent, thinking that all she wants is half an hour of privacy to cry. She almost misses Mount Weather, because there was always somewhere to disappear to, and she’s pretty sure she’s not going to be left alone tonight.

 

As it turns out, she’s right. Nate is waiting for her the second she gets back, sitting where they had had their council meeting. He stands as she approaches, and she sees his arms twitch, as if wanting to reach for her. So she steps in, closer to him, giving him permission, and his arms fold around her. She sighs, leaning against him, enjoying his warmth, and the reassurance of his presence.

“Are you…,” Nate begins, but he stops. A small smile forms on her lips involuntarily, because she knows he was going to finish with the world ‘okay’.

“No,” she replies honestly. He nods and tightens his hold slightly.

“Will you be?” he asks. Clarke pulls back to look at him, small smile still holding. It’s such a Nate thing to ask, and she loves him for it.

“I think so,” she replies, and the she shakes her head. “But we have a peace treaty, and we can rest here tonight. We’ll go back to the rest of our people tomorrow and come back in a couple of days with more representatives to sort out the finer details and the trade negotiations.” Nate drops his hold and gives her a strange look.

“Clarke… Finn killed eighteen people. And we just handed him over, and you’re talking about trade negotiations,” he says, disbelief evident. Clarke frowns.

“Yes, I am. Because our people come first. You know that. We talked about this,” Clarke says. He shakes his head.

“You loved him, he was looking for you, and now he’s dead,” Nate says. Clarke narrows her eyes.

“How can you say that to me? You voted for this, you were the first one to vote for this if memory serves. We agreed that this was for the greater good, and now you’re asking me to regret it?” Clarke demands. She wants to scream, but she keeps her voice low. She feels so attacked, and the guy who she thought might love her is staring at her like she’s a stranger.

“Knowing we have to do it, and doing it, isn’t the same thing as not caring that you’ve done it. What if they’d asked for me? Or Monty? Or Bellamy? Would you have given them up too? What if they’d asked for you?” he challenges her. Clarke feels a rush of emotion, and she takes a deep breath, setting herself aside.

“They asked for Finn because Finn killed massacred eighteen of their people for no reason. The rest of us have only done what we have done in war, and it’s not the same thing. But if they’d asked for my life, I would have forfeited it for everyone, yes. I’m not innocent here, Miller. There aren’t any good guys anymore. Nothing is black and white and we’re all doing the best we can,” Clarke replies, and she hates how cold her voice is, even though it is entirely necessary. She feels the emotion choking her and she doesn’t know how she’s hiding it.

 

Miller shakes his head. Whiplash, he thinks to himself again. She is forever giving him whiplash with the speed at which she goes from a girl to a leader.

“Sometimes I think I know you, think I love you even. And sometimes… I don’t know who you are at all,” he replies quietly, after a moment. Clarke raises her eyebrows. He wishes the emotions would stop rolling through his stomach.

“Are you saying that what we were in the Mountain doesn’t translate to the ground?” Clarke asks him. He takes a deep steadying breath. He thinks about kissing her, thinks about the way she cut her arm, thinks about how she’s right, that she will always be a leader first. She will only ever be his last, after she is everything else. And he thinks that maybe, aside from everything else, maybe he deserves better than that.

“I care about you, Clarke. I… I like you. A lot. And I will always have your back,” he begins. Clarke closes her eyes, and he wonders if he is making a mistake. Wonders if he could step forward and kiss her. If he could make her smile and it would all go back to normal. Whatever normal was. But he knows he can’t. Because there is Bellamy and she is a leader, and he’s destined to be a soldier.

“I care about you, too, Nate,” she says softly, eyes opening again. He can see it’s the truth, it’s written in her eyes, and he is so incredibly grateful for that. Because it means that the time they had wasn’t a lie, wasn’t fake or pretend. That she meant it when she kissed him, and that was enough.

“It doesn’t work on the ground, does it?” Miller asks. Clarke smiles sadly, and for a moment, it looks like she wants to argue with him. And he loves her, he knows he does, and he might even be in love with her, but it’s done. And he knows that too.

“I wanted it to,” Clarke offers. Miller wants to step in again, hold her, kiss her. But he doesn’t.

“And I’m grateful for that. But I’m not good at… You’re two people, and only one of them wants me,” Miller says. Clarke smiles at him, like she’s proud, like he’s done something amazing, and maybe he has.

“I’m sorry,” she says gently. “You deserve better.” His stomach flips for a moment, because she’s right. But then, in a flash of honesty he realises that he only wants her when she isn’t a leader. He wants the person who cries because she thinks she’s alone, and she deserves better than that too.

“So do you. Friends?” Miller offers, hand extended. Clarke grins, and uses his extended hand to pull him in closer, hugging him tightly. He chuckles to himself as he holds her. Because Clarke Griffin never does what you expect, and he thinks he’s going to like being her friend.

“Friends,” she agrees, before letting him go. Miller thinks that, despite everything, and despite the fact that there is a part of him that still wants her, it really couldn’t have turned out any better than it has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm incredibly grateful to the beautiful, sassy nerd ladyugh for reading through this chapter and the next couple for me because I really struggled with these. Lots of emotion. 
> 
> We're almost there guys! Should be over by chapter fifteen, just need to find a way to wrap it up nicely. 
> 
> I know some of you thought Miller wouldn't end it so quickly... but to me, his friendship and loyalty to both Bellamy and Clarke came first. He's going to be a little angsty about it in the next chapter, but he's always had a blunt kind of acceptance that he was never going to be with Clarke forever. And based on that, I think he did the right thing.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy sums up the last twenty four hours and Miller thinks about belonging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE thank you to ladyugh for helping me with these final chapters. They're doing my head in and are VERY emotional, to me at least. So thanks for reading, kudos-ing, and commenting. It's getting me through. I know I keep saying it but we really are almost there.

As Clarke watches Miller walk away, she feels this strange sense of nostalgia for what might have been. But she knows in her heart that he’s right, that it is better they do this now, before it gets worse. She swallows. Finn is dead, or he will be soon. Miller doesn’t want to make out anymore. She tries not to let it hurt or overwhelm her, but it’s becoming all too much. She takes a deep steadying breath and surveys the campsite, wondering where she should go or sit, and if she can keep going, really. Because she’s not sure she can. And she’s got no idea how she’s going to explain what happened today to Raven. Or the Chancellor. Her mother. God, what is she going to say to her mother?

 

“Clarke?” Bellamy asks, coming to stand beside her, protecting her with his body. She swallows again, biting her lip. He looks at her, like he understands everything going on in her head. And he does, somehow.

“Walk with me,” he says softly, and he starts walking like it’s obvious she’s just going to follow. And she does, because of course she does. She already feels less like she’s drowning just because he’s there. They walk in silence for a little while, heading around the outskirts of the group, towards the darkening tree line. Clarke wonders if she should speak, or if she can speak, but he doesn’t seem to be waiting for her to say anything. Just walking beside her in companionable silence.

 

In her head, she can hear all the things he has said in the past. _It’s not easy being in charge. Who we are and who we have to be to survive…_ Clarke sighs. She wonders if they deserve to survive after what they’ve done. She knows that Finn’s death won’t be an easy one. She said she didn’t want to bring the Exodus Charter to the ground. But they floated Murphy before a week had passed. They’re no different than the council on the Ark, and she hates herself. She feels her throat closing over as she wonders what she would have done to Jasper if he’d been set on revealing them to Wallace. She wonders if, for the first time, she could understand why her mother did what she did to her father. Because she’s no different right now, and suddenly she’s not sure she can stand any more.

 

“We aren’t them, Clarke. We aren’t like the Ark. You’re not. You asked Finn what he thought. Do you think Jaha asked anyone he floated what punishment they deserved?” Bellamy asks her gently. Clarke lets the tears pool in her eyes.

“But we are. It’s the decision they would have made, Bellamy,” she says. He looks at her, and she knows he is, but she can’t look up at him, focussing on the ground as they keep walking.  “It’s the decision my mother made when she turned in my father.”

“You know that it isn’t. Finn killed eighteen people. What did your father do? Want to tell everyone that the Ark wasn’t sustainable?” he challenges. She shakes her head.

“It was treason. His continued life threatened their way of life. Just like Finn’s did with ours. I don’t… I don’t know what sort of law we’re going to impose, but we can’t keep living like this. Because we aren’t going to deserve to keep living if we do,” she replies, looking at him, studying his face.

“You deserve to live. If anyone deserves to live… look, if you need forgiveness, Clarke, I’ll give that to you,” Bellamy says, and he is almost radiating sincerity, as he shifts on his feet, stopping. She pauses next to him. She remembers the night Dax died. She’s doesn’t know if it’s enough, but he’s offering something to her, something that she didn’t think she’d ever get. And he knows what she’s done, all of it. And he’s forgiving her. She closed the door on him, thought she was killing him. And he’s forgiving her. She swallows.

“I closed the dropship door on you,” she says softly, into the silence. He swallows.

“It had to be done,” he replies, just as softly. She takes another steadying breath, licking her lips.

“I didn’t want to,” she admits, because she feels like that has to be said too. Something in him breaks when he hears the words.

“Clarke,” he says, voice breaking, but he doesn’t continue, staring at her. She wonders if she has said too much, or said the wrong thing. She’s tempted to take another deep breath, but she’s taken too many, and she doesn’t know how to handle any more stress right now.

“Don’t. I know you wouldn’t have wanted to close the door on me either,” Clarke says, covering herself, trying to move past it. Bellamy shakes his head once.

“You don’t have to say anything, Clarke, but I have to… I thought you were dead. I got back to the drop ship and there was nothing but ash. And all I could think was that I never told you... And when I heard you were alive, I promised myself I’d tell you if I could. I know you and Miller are together, and I’m not trying to break you up or make things harder for you. I just have to tell you that… Christ,” Bellamy says, running a hand through his hair. Clarke swallowed, frowning. He was trying to tell her he loved her, wasn’t he?

“Miller and I aren’t together,” she says, quietly. Bellamy frowns.

“But… he said…,” Bellamy trails off. Clarke shakes her head.

“He broke up with me. I think. It was mutual, maybe. He… it doesn’t matter. We’re friends anyway,” she says, and then shrugs. Bellamy is looking at her like he can’t believe anything that is happening.

“Today you’ve broken our people and a hundred Grounders out of Mount Weather, walked for five hours, negotiated a peace treaty and started trade negotiations, sent a friend to his death, and been dumped by your boyfriend,” Bellamy clarifies. Clarke  can’t quite believe it either, but she nods. Because she has no idea how it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours.

“I have really bad timing,” Bellamy says, shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I just… I’m sorry.” Clarke shrugs, and smiles at him, because suddenly she can smile again.

“Is there ever going to be a good time?” she asks. Bellamy chuckles, and his smile makes her feel lighter somehow.

“Probably not. But, still. And I still have a lot I have to tell you before we leave tomorrow. Jaha never made it down and Chancellor Kane went off to try and make peace with the Grounders,” Bellamy starts. Clarke shakes her head.

“Ugh I should have asked the Commander about Kane,” she sighs deeply, and then shakes her head. “Can we figure it out later?” she asks, looking up at him. He smiles at her softly again. He indicates a tree with his head, and she nods. They sit, leaning back against the tree, watching their people, side by side.

“We can figure it out later. Together,” Bellamy says softly. She nods, and feels the tension leaving her body.

 

They sit there in silence for a while, watching the group settle down to sleep. Clarke wonders how she feels so peaceful, just sitting there. She hasn’t felt this at peace in a long time, maybe even since before her father was killed. She realises slowly that Bellamy never said what he was going to say earlier, about he how he felt, or whatever it was he wanted to say. She leans over and puts her head on his shoulder. He shifts to make her more comfortable, his arm wrapping around her. She thinks about saying something, making him say the words, but it seems like too much hard work. Besides, she already knows, she thinks.

“I am so glad you’re here with me,” she says instead, her voice barely audible. She wonders if she imagines the press of his lips on the crown of her head.

“Me too,” he replies on a sigh.  

 

Miller wanders through camp, not sure who he’s looking for. His father, maybe. Monty? Someone, anyway. And he wants to tell someone that he and Clarke are over. But he doesn’t really understand the impulse. Maybe making it more real. He can see Jasper, guarded on either side by Monty and Harper, as he stares vacantly into the fire. He’s not bereft like that, and he wonders if that says something about him, more than anything else. He sits down next to Harper, staring at the fire.

“Is it done?” Monty asks. Miller nods.

“It’s so unfair. Finn. Maya. We keep losing people,” Harper adds gently. Miller sighs.

“I think it’s just being on the ground. I don’t think it’s going to stop. But we have a peace treaty. And Clarke says we’re going to set up trade negotiations in a few days’ time,” Miller contributes, but he’s staring at the fire. In his peripheral vision he sees Monty shift around, looking for her. He sighs.

“So, she and Bellamy are doing their Mum and Dad thing again then,” Monty comments. Miller shifts around to see them walk together, away from everyone else. He shrugs.

“They’re Clarke and Bellamy. Can they do anything else?” Miller asks. He doesn’t mean it to sound as bitter as it comes out, but there it is. Harper places a hand on his back.

“I was rooting for you guys,” Harper says. Miller shakes his head.

“It wasn’t like that. It was… we weren’t a good match,” he decides on. “And it seemed smarter to not force it.”

“Maya and I were a good match,” Jasper says softly. “We were. I loved her. I never said. I should have said.” Monty leans towards him, an arm tightening around his shoulders and Harper rubs his lower back.

“She knew,” Monty says. “She saved my life because she knew.” Jasper swallows thickly and nods. Miller wonders if he’d had a choice, if Jasper could have chosen between his best friend and the girl he loved, who he would have picked. He’s never going to stop being grateful to Maya for keeping Monty in his life. But Jasper might feel differently, or might grow to. He wonders if Monty has thought about that, and if he feels guilty. No matter what, they would have had to leave her behind anyway, because she couldn’t survive on the ground. Miller sighs.

“Nothing here is what we thought it would be,” Miller says. “It’s… I never thought about the earth before we got here, you know?” Harper laughs.

“I did. I thought about it all the time. I dreamed about climbing trees,” Harper says. Monty nods, agreeing.

“Well, I’m from Agro. We always thought about the ground and how much easier it would be,” Monty says. Jasper shakes his head.

“I thought about it like this abstract concept, you know? I never thought I’d see it. My father though, he was obsessed. My kingdom for a soda can, he used to say,” Jasper said. He pauses. “God, he’s probably dead too.” Miller feels his gut twist. He’s so unbelievably lucky his father is alive, he hadn’t even thought about anybody else’s.

“We should ask my father if he knows who survived,” Miller offers. Jasper shrugs, Harper looks thoughtful.

“We’ll find out tomorrow anyway. Back to Camp Jaha, apparently. Monroe said he sacrificed himself on the way down so they named the camp after him,” Monty says. Harper scoffs and he can’t help but smirk.

“So what? He sends us down here to die and he gets shit named after him,” Miller scoffs. Harper nods in agreement.

“The people who deserve something named after them are Bellamy and Clarke. Camp Blake-Griffin, or Camp Blarke,” Monty says. Jasper scoffs.

“Bellarke, bro, we talked about this,” Jasper cuts in, his voice is gentle and his smile small, but it’s probably the first one he’s offered since the air lock closed and they left Maya behind.

“What the hell is “Bellarke”?” Miller asks.

“It’s this weird thing people used to do. If they thought people would make a good couple they’d find a way to put their names together into a relationship name,” Monty explains.

“It’s adorable,” Harper adds. Miller can’t help the smirk that is on his face, and he’s not sure he wants to. He likes these people, and he likes that they’re kind of idiots. And despite all the shit that has happened since they landed, and the constant fear and danger… he’s kind of glad he’s ended up here with these people.

“You are all idiots,” he tells them, and he’s rewarded by their laughter. Jasper looks at him, considering.

“You really did like Clarke, didn’t you?” he asks. Miller doesn’t quite know what to say. He’s never been great at talking about his feelings, and he’s still not sure exactly how he felt about Clarke.

“I thought I did. But I think maybe I didn’t like all of her,” he admits. Jasper nods slowly.

“I’m sorry I gave you such a hard time,” he offers, and glances over his shoulder to where Clarke and Bellamy are now leaning against each other and a tree. Miller follows his gaze. Monty gives him a sympathetic look.

“It’s not like anyone can compete with Bellamy Blake,” Harper says eventually. “I mean, just look at him. He’s basically the definition of tall, dark, and handsome.” Miller tries to fight his grin, even as Jasper and Monty start to snicker. Miller felt more at ease than he had felt in a long time, maybe ever. Sitting on the ground in the enemy’s camp with two potheads and a pickpocket.

“Besides,” Monty says after a moment, his face slowly turning a burning red. “I heard he was really great in bed.” Miller couldn’t help but join in the laughter that followed. Yeah, these were his people all right. And it feels like home.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey from TonDC to Camp Jaha. 
> 
> Miller talks to his dad, Bellamy and Clarke hang out, and Kane tries to start shit.

Miller couldn’t help but find it slightly unnerving how close TonDC was to, not only Camp Jaha (still a ridiculous name), but to the dropship. He wonders how much worse it could have been. There are so many of them, and they look so fierce. He wonders what they would have done differently if they’d known. But of course, he thinks, looking towards where Clarke and Bellamy are walking side by side, not touching but connected in some intangible and incredibly obvious way, it would have been up to them anyway. There is part of him that will always be grateful for that, that he doesn’t have to make the hard calls. His father, walking beside him, bumps his shoulder, pulling him from his thoughts.

“Thinking deep thoughts, Nathan?” he asks, his voice low and humoured. He almost manages to smile back.

“Just thinking that I’m glad I’m a soldier,” Miller replies. His father nods.

“Is that what you want to do? When we get back to camp, I mean. Join the Guard?” The question is careful, and Miller wonders what he’s afraid of.  In truth, he hasn’t thought about what would happen when they got back to camp, not really. And there is part of him that can’t imagine just slotting into* the Ark like nothing changed, like this first month on the ground never happened.

“I don’t know, Dad. It’s…,” Miller trails off, unsure of how to really define what he did when the drop ship crashed. “I did what Bellamy asked of me. Built the wall, guarded the perimeter. I respect him. Him and Clarke. I’ll do what they ask of me.” His father considers this, nodding after a moment.

“I joined the Guard because of your mother. She was so beautiful, but there was no way her parents would have let her marry someone from Agro. She was from Phoenix. Did you know that? No, I don’t suppose you did. Anyway, she’s why I joined. But Marcus Kane? He was why I cared. There’s something about a man like that,” he said slowly. “They make you want to be better.” Miller stays silent, processing. It’s probably the most emotional speech his father has ever made. He’s not prone to talking about his mother, and the woman died before Miller can remember. Not enough medicine. And he hadn’t known that about Marcus Kane, but he knew it about Bellamy Blake. Suddenly, he understood a lot more about his father. He wants to apologise, but he’s not sure how, and he can’t find the words.

“Things are so different down here,” Miller says, instead of all of the things in his head. His father nods.

“I see that now. When we landed... It was like we were on the Ark still, just somewhere different. And we were afraid of other people for the first time. I don’t think we’d ever really known fear before. Not like that. And then they found Bellamy and he kept trying to tell us things… I don’t know. Then we found out you were alive. And I followed Bellamy out here, and I see you guys, the way you work, and Finn. It’s different down here. I see that now,” he admits. Miller looks at his father gratefully. If nothing else, they have an ally.

“I’m really glad you’re alive, Dad,” he says. His father answers with a smile.

“I’m really glad you’re alive, too, son,” he replies. There is a pause as he looks forward towards Bellamy and Clarke.

“There was something between you and Clarke, wasn’t there?” he asks. Miller sighs and looks away.

“There might have been. But it wasn’t going to work. And I can’t compete with Bellamy. Besides, they are both my friends. I want that to still be true,” Miller says. His father nods.

“You’re pretty smart for a kid,” he says. Miller laughs bitterly at that, shaking his head.

“None of us are kids, not anymore,” he says harshly. His father looks taken aback for a moment, but in the end he nods, accepting. Miller wonders if he’ll ask something. Ask how they found out about acid fog, or what the worst thing that happened was, and he’d have to talk about Charlotte and Murphy. Or Octavia’s Grounder, who is currently walking with them back to camp. He breathes deeply, trying to stop thinking about it.

“You’re right. You’re not. I’m sorry,” he replies, and it’s almost awkward. Almost. But his father smiles at him. They are quiet for a few moments,  walking in step with each other.

“I am proud of you, you know. And these people, they clearly respect you. You’ve… I don’t know. It probably doesn’t matter. But your mother… she’d be proud of you too. She’d have… She was so smart, you know? She’d have loved you picking that lock, would have thought it was hilarious and clever. And loyal. She’d love how loyal you were. It’s why she loved me. You’re the best of both of us, son,” his father says. Miller takes this in with a lump in throat. He looks around the group walking around them, trying to shove down the tears threatening.

“I think the ground has made you sentimental, old man,” Miller says, just gruffly enough that the edge of tears can be heard. His father laughs at that though.

“Maybe it is. Must be the air. But you should think about what you want to do when we get back. There is a place for you in the Guard, if you want it. And a place in my tent, if you want that too,” his father says. Miller finds himself glancing to where Monty, Jasper, and Harper are walking just ahead of him. His father follows his look, and smiles again. “But maybe you’d be better with your friends.” Miller looks back up at his father.

“They’re kind of more than friends at this point, Dad,” he remarks, surprising himself. His father nods again. They walk along in silence for a bit longer, and Miller finds that he likes this companionship. He thinks that family means something different than it used to, and that he’ll always love his father, but home is somewhere else now, it’s with his people, the delinquents, the 100, or 50, or however many of them are left. And he thinks his father understands that too. When he looks back over at his friends, he seems Monty smiling at him, and he smiles back.

He’ll always love his father, but family means something else now.

-

Clarke is trying really hard not to think about anything except the beating of her feet on the ground. It had been a hell of a morning. At least they had Kane with them now. That  whole exchange has been weird as hell though. There was something about Lexa, the Commander, that was incredibly unnerving and almost predatory. She shivered slightly, thinking about it. And then there was Jaha, who apparently had made it to the ground and pissed off everyone he’d met since. Because of course he did. Fucking Jaha. She sighed. Her mother was going to be so disappointed in her for not getting him back as well. But she’d done all she could. And really, she thinks she’s accomplished a lot given the time frame. She sighs. It’s never enough, and it never ends.

Her thoughts are interrupted by Bellamy knocking his shoulder into hers. She glances over at him, and he’s looking at her, concerned. She doesn’t have the words so she gives him a tired half smile and what could almost be called a shrug. He nods, seeming to understand, and her smile widens just a little as she exhales.

“You did good, Clarke,” he says, and she swallows.

“It’s not enough. And you know it. Finn’s dead, and Jaha’s still imprisoned,” Clarke returns.

“Jaha can stay in Grounder prison, and Finn massacred a village,” Bellamy bites back. Clarke shakes her head.

“I’m not his biggest fan either but he’s the Chancellor. You know we’re going to have to get him back at some point,” she tries.

“Clarke, can you just… take a minute and think about what you’ve accomplished?” he asks, something desperate at the edges of his voice. She sighs.

“It’s not what they’re going to see. They’re going to see that we failed. We got captured. We lost people. We allowed Finn to be executed. I had forty-seven with me, how many did you have? We’ve lost half of our people, Bellamy,” Clarke replies, and she can’t stop the frustrated tears from welling, but does her best to keep contained. She saw his shoulders stiffen.

“What would you tell me if I said that to you?” he asked, his voice gentle. Clarke looked away from him, couldn’t keep looking at him. “You don’t have to bear this alone, Clarke. We’re in this together. And we’ve done the best we can. And… you’re amazing. You’ve kept us alive with seaweed and moonshine. I don’t know what happens next, but we’re in this together.” She walks along beside him in silence, wondering how it happened that Bellamy Blake, attempted assassin of a man she used to consider family, became the person who could make her feel safe and… oh. _Oh_ , she thinks to herself again. _This is not… not what, Clarke? Planned? Because you don’t get to plan these things. Good? Because you know that’s not true,_ she thinks to herself. She’s lost in her internal dialogue when Bellamy bumps her shoulder again, smiling at her teasingly.

“Besides,” he offers. “If they don’t want to take us seriously, we can always stage a coup or move back to the drop ship.” Clarke winces at the thought of living there amongst the ashes of their enemies. She seems to remember someone in an agro or earth skills class telling her that ash made the ground more fertile, so there is a benefit to going back to that land. But she can’t live haunted by the ghosts.

“No, not the drop ship,” she says, an almost shy smile forming. “The sea. I’ve always wanted to see the ocean up close.” Bellamy laughs, and she feels like she can count on one hand the number of times she’s heard that sound. It makes her stomach flip, just a little, makes her want to step closer to him and press against him. _Stop it,_ she tells herself sternly. She hears a noise over her shoulder and sees Kane trying to make his way through to them. She’s about to say something about it, but Bellamy’s voice, and the look in his eyes (if she’s honest), stops her.

“I promise I’ll take you to the sea one day, Princess. Coup or no coup,” he says with a sincerity that makes her think that she might melt, despite the edge of humour he slips in. She swallows down hard, and tilts her head away to hide the smile splitting her face, just as Kane comes up behind them, forcing himself between them. She could hit him for interrupting, but she’s also a little grateful because she doesn’t know how much longer she could have walked beside Bellamy talking like this without giving herself away.

“So you two were leading the 100 after you landed?” Kane asks. She doesn’t need to see Bellamy to know he’s rankling at the past tense.

“We _are_ co-leaders of the remaining members of the 100 you sent down here to die, yes,” she says sweetly, and relishes the frown on Kane’s face and the cough she hears from Bellamy.

“Well, the Ark is here now. Your crimes have all been pardoned and we’ll reintegrate you into society,” Kane begins. Clarke almost laughs. Almost.

“So just because you’re here everything is going to be okay?” Bellamy challenges him. “You have no experience of the ground, no ability to hunt, and no idea what it’s really like down here.”

“Well, I spent a lot of time speaking to Commander Lexa and I think that we’ll be able to get along just fine,” he begins. Clarke shakes her head and she hears Bellamy snort in derision.

“They are a warrior people. I’ve earned our peace by freeing their people from Mount Weather. But don’t think this means it’s over. Now they know what’s going on we’re probably going to end up fighting a war with them against the Mountain people to keep us all safe. They aren’t just going to give us things and they have no use for our technology,” Bellamy says. “It’s all well and good to talk philosophy, but at the end of the day we need to be as self sufficient as possible as quickly as possible.” Clarke nods in agreement, grateful that he’s there to make sure they don’t get railroaded.

“Regardless, you’re just kids. We appreciate all you’ve done, but it’s time to just be kids again,” Kane says, and there is a tone of finality that stops Clarke in her tracks. She stares at him, watching as he stops and turns around. She knows without looking that Bellamy has stopped dead beside her. She feels their people stopping around them too, watching what is about to happen with a mixture of fear and confusion.

“We are not just kids. We are warriors,” Clarke bites at him. “We haven’t been “just kids” since you sent us down here with no supplies to die.”

“And we will not just stop caring about our people, stop looking out for them, protecting them, or leading them, just because you’ve landed here now,” Bellamy adds. Kane looks between them and around at the people watching.

“I think your mother might have something to say about your tone, Clarke. It sounds almost like you’re planning a rebellion,” Kane says, something of a warning in his voice. Clarke shakes her head.

“This is the ground. The Exodus Charter no longer applies, and we will not live under it. We’ll come back with you, we’ll help you get set up, and we’ll teach you what we know. But if you’re expecting us to just slot back in and smile, it isn’t going to work out in the long run,” Clarke responds. “And after what my mother has done, do you really think her approval is something I’m desperately seeking?” Kane almost flinches as she hurls the last words at him.

“Clarke, she did it to protect you, and the people of the Ark. She thought she was doing the right thing,” Kane tries, and it’s sympathy this time. It doesn’t suit him, she thinks, as she swallows down on her anger and shakes her head.

“Do you really think anyone here is buying that line? I’m pretty sure if I asked people to raise their hands we’d all have someone we loved that was floated. It doesn’t feel like protection, and it’s wrong,” Clarke bites out. She feels Bellamy shift, standing closer to her. “But, please, ask them. Ask them who they would rather have looking out for them. If they say they’d rather it is you than us, we’ll step down happily.” She folds her arms across her chest, challenging him. Kane looks around at the faces surrounding them, each of them looking like they’re ready to go into battle for Bellamy and Clarke.

“You are citizens of the Ark,” Kane tries.

“No, we aren’t. Not anymore. You sent us down here to die. We’re citizens of the ground now. We’re our own people. And if we stay at Camp Jaha, it will be because we choose to, not because you tell us to,” Bellamy says, and Clarke nods at him, barely taking her eyes off Kane.

“We’ll talk about this back at Camp Jaha,” Kane says, in the end, turning on his heel. “But this isn’t over.” He begins to walk away and Clarke and Bellamy share a smile before continuing.

“I almost forgot how fierce you were,” he mutters to her as the crowd starts moving again. She lets out a chuckle.

“I missed you so much in the Mountain. Every time I had to speak I just thought ‘Bellamy could do this so much better’. Do you think it’s going to work? Staying with them?” Clarke asks. Bellamy shakes his head.

“I don’t know. But you’re right. We’ll help them get started, and if it’s not working, we’ll move on,” he sighs. She nods, thinking he’s right. They’re on the same page more often than not, even if they go about it differently sometimes. But their people come first. Speaking of which, she should probably make the rounds through the group.

“I’m going to do the rounds,” she says to Bellamy. He nods in response.

“Octavia and Lincoln are bringing up the rear; I’ll do the back half if you do the front? I’ll meet you up there when we get close,” he offers. She shakes her head.

“No, I… I don’t want to go through first. I’ll find you at the back,” she says. He nods, understanding her completely, and she loves that she doesn’t have to articulate her fears about seeing her mother again, that he just gets it.

“It’ll be okay, Clarke. We’ve got this,” he promises before disappearing backwards into the crowd. She smiles to herself as she moves forward. He’s right, she thinks, no matter what happens next they’ll face it together. Her stomach twists, reminding her that she has some non-co-leader-y feelings she needs to sort out at some point too, reminding her about what she thinks he almost said last night, and wondering if maybe they’ll sort that out together too.

She moves forward through the crowd, nodding to Kane respectfully as she passes him.

“She leaked his video, in the end. Before the culling. People volunteered for it because of her,” Kane offers. She looks at him in shock. He nods, as if confirming the truth of his statement. “She’s broken every rule since you got down here. Trying to save lives. Remember that when you see her.” She acknowledges his words with a nod, but walks away without replying. She can feel a lump in her throat, choking her. Because all of this might have been avoided if Abby had found her rebellious streak before sentencing her husband to death. She wants to forgive her, wants to say you live and you learn. Wants for it all to be okay. But it’s not, it’s not okay. And yes, it isn’t all her fault, and maybe all the same things might have happened earlier. Abby’s her mother, and she still loves her, but it’s going to be a while before she can forgive her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [wordyanansi on tumblr](http://wordy-anansi.tumblr.com)   
>  [ladyugh on tumblr](http://ladyugh.tumblr.com)


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our delinquents finally made it to Camp Jaha!
> 
> Clarke and Abby attempt a conversation, while Miller finds himself in a new living arrangement.

The closer they get to Camp Jaha, the more Clarke feels like she can’t breathe. There are so many conflicting emotions raging within her. She’s not sure she wants to go inside anymore. It’s not just about her mother, it’s everything. She really wants to see her mother. Lincoln is walking just behind her, flanked by Octavia and Bellamy. He’s slowly teaching them words in the grounder language, trigedasleng, as they walk along. Pointing out things as they pass by, correcting their pronunciation.

“People,” Lincoln says quietly. “Kru.”

“Kru,” Octavia and Bellamy parrot back to him. Clarke likes the repetition, the pattern, and their voices softly in the background are comforting.

“Forest. Trimani,” Lincoln offers.

“Trimani,” they reply.

“Tree many, many trees in a forest, I like it,” Bellamy comments after a moment. “It makes sense.” Clarke smiles to herself, Bellamy Blake, nerd, she adds quietly to the list of titles he has in her head. He moves forward to stand beside her.

“We’re almost there. That tree line just up ahead breaks into a clearing and that’s where Camp Jaha is,” he tells her, and his voice is soft, like he understands exactly what is going on in her head. And maybe he does.

 

The light is almost blinding when they breath the treeline, and she can see part of the Ark surrounded by metal wire fencing filled with gaps large enough for most grounder weapons to penetrate. The gate has opened and the front of the group have already started to stream inside. She wants to say something, anything to break the silence that has fallen over them, because it’s more than she can bear.

“The fence is electrified,” Bellamy comments. “One way in, one way out. In theory.” She smiles at him wryly.

“In theory?” she queries. He grins at her cockily, and she fights not widen hers in return.

“Raven,” is all he says, and Clarke fights another smile and a laugh. She looks back at the fence.

“Did they listen at all when you told them a spear could fit through those gaps?” she asked him. He laughed quietly.

“No, but I appreciate you knew I’d told them,” he replied, nudging her shoulder gently. They were almost at the gates. She could see her mother watching anxiously, searching for her. Her feet suddenly felt heavy and she didn’t know how she was going to take the next step. Bellamy paused beside her, and he smiled at her, and she could have sworn the most confident man she’d ever met was shy as he extended his hand to her.

“Together?” he asked. Warmth flooded through Clarke and she smiled up at him.

“Yeah,” she replied, taking his hand, “together.”

 

Clarke doesn’t remember stepping through the gates, or letting go of Bellamy’s hand.  But somehow she is through the gate and in her mother’s arms, and the gate is closing behind her. She hugs her mother back, and remembers that there is another exit, and that she is not trapped. She looks over her mother’s shoulder and sees Bellamy talking to someone, but he keeps her in his line of sight, just in case. She loves him for that. It gives her the strength to face the next bit.

She pulls back from the embrace, her hands resting on her mother’s forearms, and looks at her. Abby’s been crying, and she’s so happy to her again.

“I was so scared,” Abby says. “I’m so glad you’re back, that you’re okay.” Clarke smiles back. It might not reach her eyes, but for everything else, she shares the sentiment.

“I thought you were dead. I’m glad you’re not,” Clarke says, and she starts to cry, holding her mother close again.

“I’m here, baby girl. I’ve got you now,” Abby mutters into her hair. Clarke nods, but doesn’t pull back, still getting her emotions under a little bit more control. The ground teaches you things. And she knows now that for all her stubbornness, you celebrate the good and you deal with the bad, and her mother is alive, alive, alive. She sniffs, pulls back, and wipes her face. Abby smiles at her.

“It’s all going to be okay now,” Abby says gently, cupping her face with her hand. And there it is, Clarke thinks with a frown.

“That’s not how it works down here,” she says quietly, and then, with a small smile, she adds, “Chancellor.” Abby screws up her nose playfully at the title.

“We’re going to look after you, Clarke, all of you,” Abby counters. And then she looks around. “Where’s Finn?” Clarke takes a deep breath.

“Finn is dead,” she replies. “And we don’t need you to look after us like kids anymore, Mom. We survived on the ground without you, and with no supplies, for a month. We defeated an army. We’re your equals now, and our own people.” Abby is frowning at her, and Clarke knows the look in her eyes, she’s seen it before, and she knows that this is going to start a fight. But before Abby replies, Kane appears at her side, and she raises her eyebrows at him. Of course, without looking, she knows that Bellamy has situated himself beside her as well. She wonders what this means, but she’s been called “princess” for long enough to conjure the image of a knight. Kane and Abby, Bellamy and Clarke, mirror images.

“Perhaps this is a discussion best had in private,” Kane suggests. Abby looks like she wants to say something else, and there is a part of Clarke that wants her to, wants to see Abby snap at her, to have this fight here and now in front of everyone. But the larger part of her knows that Kane is right. “You have people who need your medical assistance,” he adds. Abby nods.

“Are you up to helping in the med bay?” Abby asks her. “We could use another set of hands.” Clarke sighs, and nods. Bellamy looks at her, a question in his eyes: ‘are you sure?’. She offers him a half smile: ‘I know how to do this, I’ll be fine’. He nods, accepting it. She glances over to where a small group has congregated around Jasper, who is crying again. Clarke can tell at a glance that the Ark did not fall down intact, and there clearly, not all of their people are being united with family. Their people look a little lost, milling around in the area in front of the Station. She looks back up at Bellamy, ‘look after them. Call me if you need me’. He offers her a soft smile, ‘of course, princess’. He glances to where Abby and Kane are watching them, interest piqued and frowns of disapproval. He doesn’t flinch, but she sees his jaw tighten unhappily as he turns back to her.

“Come find me when you’re free,” he tells her. He turns to go, but pauses, and she knows he wants to say something else, but he changes his mind and walks away. She watches him go for a moment, straight to where the youngest member of their group is crying. She turns back to face her mother.

“Really, Clarke? Bellamy Blake?” she asks her in disbelief. Clarke frowns.

“What about him?” Clarke challenges. Abby frowns.

“He’s not… he’s not a good man,” Abby finishes, and it’s not what she wanted to say, Clarke can tell. He’s not good enough for you, perhaps. Clarke shakes her head.

“You’re wrong. He is a good man, one of the best,” Clarke replies.

“He tried to kill Thelonious, Clarke,” she tries. Clarke shakes her head.

“To save his sister. Everything he has ever done wrong was to protect her. Shall we get to work?” Clarke asks, indicating that the conversation is closed. Abby tightens her lips, and looks up at Kane, dismissing him with a nod. He places a hand on her forearm.

“Before you go, Thelonious is alive, he’s being held captive by the Grounders,” Kane says gently. Abby sighs.

“We’ll talk after we’ve finished in medical,” Abby tells him, and he nods and heads toward a tall blonde woman that Clarke can’t remember meeting who is clearly waiting for him. Clarke follows her mother towards the med bay, looking forward to doing something practical and honest for a while.

 

In the end, Miller finds himself sleeping in a tent with Jasper, Monty, and Harper, and it happens almost without him noticing. In fact, he only notices because one of the Arkers starts making disapproving noises about a girl living with three boys. Bellamy is there almost instantly, standing between them and the adult assigning tents. Miller wanders over to stand beside them.

“There’s room with Monroe and Mel for Harper. She shouldn’t be in with boys. It’s not right,” the Arker says.

“It’s where she wants to be,” Bellamy replies quietly, firmly. “No one is going to hurt her.”

“You can’t know that,” the Arker protests. Miller trusts Bellamy, but his stomach drops at the protest. It’s not that he can’t see where it’s coming from, but rather he understands that he’s just not going to feel as safe if Harper isn’t there, and he won’t be able to relax without knowing she’s safe.

“Actually he can,” Miller said, stepping forward. “We protect our own.” The Arker looks at him in disbelief, but Bellamy gives him a nod of approval.

“Harper isn’t going to be safer anywhere than with us,” Miller adds. But he can see it on the Arker’s face: they are criminals and they can’t be trusted. It’s the look he has seen on the face of every adult since he was caught two years ago. He wonders if she’ll say it, and she looks like she might. She looks over at Harper, who is sitting beside Monty and Jasper.

“I just think you might be more comfortable with Monroe and Mel, they’re both girls about your age,” the Arker says, like she’s trying to be kind. Miller scoffs and Bellamy scowls.

“I told you what I wanted,” Harper says. “I want to be with Monty, Miller, and Jasper. Those girls weren’t…” Miller knows she wants to say ‘inside Mount Weather’, and she doesn’t mean it has a criticism. Hell, he likes Monroe. But they weren’t there and they’re not going to get it.

“They spent two weeks trapped inside Mount Weather,” Bellamy says. “Together. If this is what they want, then this is what they’re going to get.” The Arker looks like she’s about to argue back, and Bellamy steps up, right into her space.

“No,” he says quietly. “You aren’t separating them. They feel trapped and unsafe because they’ve been trapped and unsafe. You can either give them what they want or they can sneak around and sleep wherever they want anyway. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather know where my people are.” Bellamy’s tone is almost conversational, but the implicit threat is there. Miller can see Kane watching in the distance, slowly walking forward, and the Arker is clearly intimidated. If there’s a fight, Miller knows whose side he will be on, and he’s pretty sure he knows which side will win. His eyes flick to the guns being held by the perimeter guards. Then again… what happens when people with guns come up against people without them?

“Is there a problem?” Kane asks, looking between Bellamy and the Arker. Miller tries to look at him and see what his father sees.

“They want to room together, three of the boys and a girl,” the Arker says, and there is indignance in her voice. Bellamy flicks his eyes to Kane, challenging him.

“Are you sure this is what you want? No one is forcing you to do this?” Kane asks Harper, crouching down, friendly voice. Okay, Miller might get a little bit of what his father sees in him. Because there’s nothing artificial about the way Kane is approaching her, and there should be, but it doesn’t feel staged. Harper looks him dead in the eye.

“They are my family. I want to be with them,” she says. Kane considers this for a moment, and then nods, standing back up. He looks at Bellamy, and then at the Arker.

“Is there somewhere for her stay where she’d be with other girls?” Kane asks. Bellamy shifts on his feet.

“With all due respect, what is the point in asking where they want to room if you’re going to ignore them?” Bellamy challenges, his voice tight.

“We’ll keep her safe,” Miller adds. “She’s right, we’re family.” Kane looks at him, considering.

“You’re the Miller boy, aren’t you?” Kane asks. Miller nods in response. Kane considers for a moment.

“You’re right, if we’re asking the question we should listen to the answer,” Kane says to Bellamy. He turns to the Arker, “These four can have a tent together.” Then he walks away without a backwards glance, and the Arker is glaring at Bellamy. Bellamy raises his eyebrows at her. She huffs and walks away.

“Thank you,” Harper says quietly. Bellamy looks at her and smiles.

“We’re family,” he says. “Let me know if you have any more trouble.” Harper nods, and Bellamy goes to leave. Miller jogs a couple of steps to catch up with him.

 

“What’s up?” Bellamy asks.

“I need to know what the plan is,” Miller says quietly. “Are we staying here?” A muscle works in Bellamy’s jaw.

“Depends. We’ll see. Why?” Bellamy asks.

“I go where you go,” Miller replies. “But I think maybe I want to join the guard.” Bellamy rewards him with a grin.

“Thanks. I think you’ll do well in the guard. But I’m hoping they’ll listen to you too. Some of them are completely useless down here. Don’t check the trees, and step on every twig they can find,” Bellamy says, shaking his head. “Not to mention the state of the fence.” Miller smirks, and Bellamy considers for a moment.

“I trust you. I’ll tell if you if anything changes. But your father is here too, and that matters,” Bellamy says quietly. “I’ll always consider you a friend, Miller. But this choice is yours, not mine.” Miller appreciates the sentiment, and nods once, looking at the ground. He takes a moment to process and then looks up at him. He wants to say something like ‘I’m better because of you’, but he’s never been that good at emotion.

“I’m joining the guard. But I’ll leave with you. Family’s not just about blood,” is all he says in the end. Bellamy gives him a nod the communicates everything that needs to be said and heads off towards the med bay.

 

That night, Miller lays down between Harper and the tent wall and tries to go to sleep. He’s willing to admit he wouldn’t have minded keeping his mattress from Mount Weather. He can hear Harper trying not to cry, Jasper and Monty are already asleep. He swallows thickly. He wishes he could help, do something, but he can’t. He sighs. This is what it’s going to be. Fighting the Arkers for the pardons they’ve already been granted, being treated like kids, and trying to recover from all the shit they’ve seen since they landed on this godforsaken planet.

“Miller?” Harper whispers.

“Yeah?” he replies. She reaches out, touching his arm, running her hand down it until she links her fingers with his.

“I don’t think it’s over with Mount Weather,” Harper says. Miller feels his heart thud in his chest so violently that it physically hurts.

“I’m here,” Miller whispers, squeezing her hand. She’s right, he realises. They took the blood to save their lives. Rescuing the Grounders just meant they’re going to need a lot more people, and fast. It’s such basic common sense that he can’t believe no one’s thought about it and he feels sick. His brain is screaming that he needs to find Clarke, talk to her, tell her. Her or Bellamy. But he can’t leave Harper. He wishes he could tell her that she’s safe.

“I’m scared,” Harper whispers.

“I’m with you,” Miller says.

“Can I… Can I move closer?” Harper asks.

“Yeah, Harp. Whatever will help. I’ve got your back,” Miller tells her. It’s the first time he’s said those words since they belonged to Clarke, and it feels good to give them to someone else. Harper shuffles in against him, her back to his chest, and she’s trembling. He wraps his arm around her.

“Thanks, Miller,” Harper breathes out.

“Always. We’re family,” Miller says into her hair. She huffs a small laugh, but she stops trembling. She’s asleep soon after.

  
Miller lays awake for longer, holding Harper in his arms, feeling her slow rhythmic breathing. He never had this with Clarke. It feels good, having someone there, safer and warmer. He still feels like he needs to talk to Clarke and Bellamy, but there’s no point in moving right now. He thinks about Clarke, about how he feels about her, and he’s surprised to find it’s just friendship. As if proximity played a  factor in his feelings, and maybe they did. He’ll always love her though, she’s family. Just like Harper, Bellamy, Jasper… Monty. All the delinquents that crashed onto this planet with him. And Raven. Who crashed landed here, coming after Finn the fucking idiot. He understands that kind of devotion now, in a way he didn’t before. Because he thinks he might do it for any of them. As he drifts off to sleep, he thinks that ‘I’ve got your back’ has always, and will always mean ‘I love you’, just not ‘I’m in love with you’, and there was something about that thought that gave him peace.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so determined to finish this fic. SO DETERMINED. Because I hate when fics get abandoned. I would rather have an average ending than no ending at all.
> 
> But I'm so close to being done. I'm struggling to find a place to end it, and to stop asking questions. So I have a feeling that we might have a rather large time jump soon to wrap it all up. Sorry about that.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What are they going to do now they are at Camp Jaha? What about the Grounders and the Mountain Men?

When Miller wakes up, Harper is still curled in against him. But he looks up and sees that she is holding Jasper’s hand, and that Monty has curled himself around his best friend. Monty’s sleeping expression hits him in the stomach somehow - he looks so innocent and at peace. We’re just kids, he thinks. But we’re not kids anymore. Harper shifts in her sleep, making a discontented noise, so he moves himself away carefully, trying not to wake her. He steps over her legs, and Jaspers, and ducks through the tent into the morning.

 

The sun is already up, and he can see a couple of Arkers going about their business, but not enough, he thinks, for the time of day. The tent is on the outskirts of the fallen station’s sleeping areas, furthest away from the med bay. Last night they’d all eaten protein packs from the Ark for dinner, and he craved meat again. But, of course, they weren’t allowed to hunt yet. Just rest and take it easy for a night. Miller shook his head. Aside from the fact they were now living within walking distance of not one, but two enemies, he didn’t think he’d ever be okay ‘taking it easy’ for a while. And he really wanted meat.

 

He shifted, hearing a noise behind him, and saw Monty exiting the tent. He smiled apologetically.

“Sorry if I woke you,” he offered. Monty shrugs.

“I’m a light sleeper. But it’s okay. It’s later than usual for us anyway. Where is everyone?” Monty asked. Miller shrugged.

“Don’t know. I need to find Bellamy and Clarke though. Harper said something last night that made me think… what do you think the Mountain Men are going to do now?” Miller asks. Monty pales slightly.

“Shit,” is all he says. “We need to find Bellamy and Clarke.” For all that this is a serious problem that needs to be addressed, there is something in the way that Monty responds that makes him feel like it’s going to be okay. That instant feeling of solidarity. He tries to cover the fond smile threatening his face with a frown and a nod, but he’s not sure it worked very well.

“Where do you think they’ll be?” Miller asks. This isn’t the Drop Ship, or the Ark, or anywhere familiar, and he looks around uneasily. For all that Mount Weather had flaws, at least they’d given them a map. Monty thought about it for a moment.

“A couple of us were spending the night in the med bay,” Monty says. “And where our people are hurt, there are our fearless leaders.” Miller nods once, and they head off towards the med bay together.

 

“Are you really okay? About Clarke and Bellamy?” Monty asks gently. Miller takes a moment to really think about it. He’s brushed a lot of it off, and sectioned it away, but it probably bears thinking about properly.

“I thought I was in love with her. But I wasn’t. I still love her, she’s family, you know? But it’s better this way,” Miller says. “She was a great kisser though.” Monty laughs, and damn, there’s his stomach again, and Miller grins at him. “No, I think we were pretending as cover, and then we got caught up in it. It wasn’t ever real, not really.” Monty nods.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” he says, and it sounds like there is more he wants to say. But the med bay is in sight and there is a part of Miller that doesn’t want to talk about it, so he lets it win.

 

They are completely unsurprised to find Clarke and Bellamy standing in a corner having a whispered argument.

“We can’t just leave them to fend for themselves,” Clarke hissed. “They’ll get themselves killed.”

“And how is that our fault? They sent us down here to die,” Bellamy whispers back. “And they’re going to treat us like children. They don’t want to let us leave the camp to go hunting. I don’t know about you, but I miss eating meat.”

“I agree we’ve got to get them to relax the rules. And no matter what Raven says, there’s no way I’m leaving her behind,” Clarke replied. Bellamy runs his hand through his hair. Monty and Miller looked at each other and grinned. It was kind of nice to see Clarke and Bellamy back together again. Bellamy opened his mouth to say something else, and Miller figured if they wanted to actually have a conversation with them, they’d need to get in before they started up again.

“Not to interrupt, but we can talk to you guys for a moment?” Miller asked softly. Clarke and Bellamy looked up, shocked to find they had an audience. Bellamy nodded, and Clarke smiled, coming toward them.

“What’s up?” Clarke asked. Miller glanced around. He didn’t want this moving past the four of them if it was nothing.

“I was talking to Harper last night and she asked what I thought the Mountain Men were going to do without their blood supply. They’ve got technology, they know the ground, and they’re well armed,” Miller says. Clarke’s frowning, but Bellamy looks determined.

“This just proves my point. We should go,” Bellamy says. Clarke raises her eyebrows at him. “You wanted to go before when the Grounders were attacking us, why is it so different now?”

“Because we’d be leaving people behind to get hurt. You know they wouldn’t come with us,” Clarke says, tiredly.

“And that’s our fault? We should stay here and die because they’re too stubborn to know what’s good for them?” Bellamy demands. Clarke gives him a look that makes him sigh.

“There are way more Grounders than we thought,” Monty says quietly. “And Mount Weather is way more technologically advanced. If we stay, we’re committing to living close by to two of our biggest threats. Lincoln said we should go to the sea, the people there are kinder, would help us.” Miller nods, he’s not eager to trust the Grounders, wherever they might live, but it makes more sense than staying here.

“What are our options anyway? Stand and fight two armies or run away?” Clarke asks. “There’s got to be more than one solution. Maybe if we ally with the Grounders…” Bellamy gives her a look, and she stops talking. He has not missed the way that there are always two conversations happening when you talk to Clarke and Bellamy together, the one you’re in, and the one they’re having telepathically.

“If we negotiate with Mount Weather, it’s going to be for blood. I’m sure their food production is amazing, but there’s nothing to stop them not giving people back, taking too much, or taking Grounders. And if we’re allied with the Mountain, the Grounders aren’t going to take it peacefully. They’ve been at war for too long, and the Mountain has been kicking the Grounder’s asses. This is a fight we’re not going to win, and this camp is on the front line. It’s not worth the risk,” Bellamy says, and Miller is amazed at the passion he has managed to inspire during a hushed conversation.

“I agree with Bellamy,” Monty offers. “I’d love to get my hands on their tech, but we’re going to die if we stay here.”

“We started from scratch before, we can do it again,” Miller adds. Clarke closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

“They aren’t going to let us leave easily,” Clarke says, opening her eyes. “But we have to tell them, have to give them the chance to come with us.” Miller wants to disagree, and he can tell Bellamy does too. Miller imagines them standing near the entrance while the guards point their guns at them. He wonders where his father will be standing.

“It’s the right thing to do,” Miller says quietly, and Clarke nods at him approving. Bellamy sighs and nods in agreement.

“I’m meant to go back to TonDC for negotiations tomorrow,” Clarke says. Bellamy gives her a look that even Miller can interpret as ‘please don’t go’.

“We need to go soon,” Bellamy says, and Clarke nods.

“No, you’re right. Kane can do it. If he stays. Well. If everyone goes, we’ll have to send a message. But…,” Clarke’s voice trails off. Miller reads her face and knows that she knows her mother will stay here. He’s one of the few with family on the ground, and he gets it. The pull to stay with his father, and it’s harder for her, because she’s a leader and that means she’ll always put her people first. Even when it means leaving her mother behind. Bellamy’s looking at her strangely, and he can tell Monty feels awkward beside him. He wants to wrap his arms around her, but he knows that’s not the right thing to do.

“What do you want us to do?” Miller asks instead. “Do we rally the troops? Tell everyone not to get comfortable? Look for an alternate exit strategy?”

“We need to talk to the Chancellors first, out of respect,” Clarke says, despite the look Bellamy gives her. “And Raven has an alternate exit strategy covered. So just rest up I guess, for the journey ahead. Sort out what we took from Mount Weather, maybe try and organise some trades for more useful stuff on the downlow?” Miller cuts his eyes to Bellamy for approval, and he nods.

“Let us know if you need us for anything,” Miller says, before heading out. Monty follows him out of the med bay, just a step behind.

“Your father is here,” Monty says, stopping behind him. Miller turns to look at him.

“And?” Miller asks. There is something about Monty that looks almost lost in that moment.

“If… if he decides to stay… what will you do?” Monty asks quietly. Miller licks his lips. He knows the answer, but he also sees the fear in Monty’s eyes.

“This is my family now,” Miller says quietly. But Monty still looks nervous. “I’ll go,” he adds after a moment. Monty looks at him, nervousness fading away, something like respect replacing it.

“I hope he comes with us,” Monty says, starting to walk again. “But I’m glad you’ll be with us either way.”

“Yeah,” Miller says, walking beside him. He hopes so too.

 

\---

 

After Miller and Monty leave, Bellamy won’t look at her and Clarke wonders if she should press the issue, keep talking to him, or just let it go. Fox whimpers, shifting in her sleep, and Clarke heads over to check on her. She doesn’t wake, and Clarke sighs, looking at the slight girl.

“Do you really think your mother is going to let you leave?” Bellamy asks quietly. Clarke turns to look at him, but he’s still looking at the floor, and she can see his jaw tic. She’s not sure what to say, suddenly.

“I told you, I want to see the ocean,” she says softly, but she’s saying more than that, and she hopes he hears it. He looks up at her, and he’s got the look in his eyes he had in the Grounder camp.

“That’s not… Clarke,” he says, and his voice breaks on her name. She swallows, waiting. “You… you’re the sky princess and I’m… I can’t ask you to-”

“I’m coming with you. We’re in this together, Bellamy. I thought you knew that by now,” Clarke  says, cutting him off, her voice softening as she continues. He nods slowly, and sighs.

“I’m in love with you,” he says, looking at her carefully. Clarke feels her stomach shift, and she’s not sure how she’s flushed and chilled at the same time, but she is, and she’s staring at him. He rubs the back of his head.

“If you come with us, you need to know that. I’m going to keep being in love with you,” he says, and then swallows. He wants to say more, she can tell. Can see in his face that if she says she’s coming he’s going to take that as a reason to believe she might feel the same, and that he wants to tell her that. But she knows, too, that if she comes and tells him she’s not that he won’t force it on her either but that he won’t stop loving her too.

“Are you sure?” Clarke asks him instead, remembering their first days on earth, and the parade through his tent. He huffs out a laugh and shakes his head.

“Yeah, Clarke. I’m pretty sure,” he tells her, humour in his  voice, but sincerity too. Clarke nods for a moment, considering.

“Me too,” she admits. “And I’m coming with you, whether or not my mother approves. She sent us down here to die, sent me down here to die. She’s kind of lost the right to tell me what to do. And... ,” she pauses and licks her lips. “And I want to be where you are.” It’s a simple admission, and not half of what she could have said, about her people, her friends, and protecting them. But this is the truth that Bellamy needs to hear, and she knows it. He’s looking at her like she’s both lost her mind and figured out the answer to life’s mysteries. As much as she wants to say something else, or do something to distract herself from what she’s just said, she knows he needs a moment to process. So she waits.

“Are you… you love me?” Bellamy asks, and he sounds so confused. She wants to smile, hug him, kiss his cheek, but she presses her lips in a line to fight her smile, and nods. He crosses the space between them in three steps and wraps her up in his arms, pressing her against his chest. He smells like smoke and pine needles, and he’s warm and solid. There is something that uncoils around her spine that she never knew was there, and she relaxes into him, melts. His arms tighten around her, almost like a spasm, and he sighs, the exhale long, and she feels her hair move with it.

“I’m going to take you to live by the ocean,” Bellamy breathes, and it’s a promise and a dream. Clarke smiles, pulling back to look at him.

“But first, we have to call a council meeting,” Clarke replies. Bellamy sighs, this time with exasperation.

“And how well did that go last night?” Bellamy asks. She thinks back to the meeting, the way her mother and Kane had spoken to them, and about them, like they were less than they were. He’s got a point, but then, so does she.

“You know that’s not the point. It’s the right thing to do,” Clarke reminds him, and he rolls his eyes and pulls her in close again. Her nose presses into his shoulder, and she is reminded that she’s allowed to be happy sometimes.

“I don’t want to lose you again, Clarke. I- I can’t,” Bellamy whispers. Clarke feels the urge to cry welling behind her eyes, and she bites her lip.

“You won’t, Bell, I promise. No matter what they say. We’ll get us and our people to the ocean, and we won’t stop until we do. I love you,” Clarke says softly. He nods as his arms tighten around her, pulling her hard against him. Clarke loses herself in the feeling of him, until she can hear Fox coughing again, waking up. She offers Bellamy a smile as she goes to check on Fox. She can feel him watching her.

 

“How are you, sweetheart?” Clarke asks her, stroking her hair. Fox offers her a weak smile.

“I’m okay,” Fox replies. “Just tired.” Clarke nods, checking her pulse. Steady.

“Can you sit up for me?” Clarke asks, and Fox complies. “Okay, can you put your arms out for me, straight out like a tree. Use your left hand to touch your nose. Now your right hand.” Her reactions are normal again, and Clarke smiles. “Great work, Fox. You ready to find your friends? I think breakfast is starting soon.”

“Thanks, Clarke,” Fox says happily, and leaves. Bellamy’s arms are folded across his chest when she turns back to him.

 

“So, council meeting?” he asks her. She nods. He goes to leave, and then he pauses and turns, as if he’s forgotten something. Clarke watches him with a smile.

“I forgot,” Bellamy offers, heading towards her.

“What?” Clarke asks, as he closes the distance between them, his hands framing her face.

“This,” he breathes, before tilting her head to kiss her. It’s soft, but firm, like he’s making a clear statement. She closes her eyes and leans into it. He pulls back much too soon, and she hasn’t had a first kiss that was so intentional and possessive… ever. He hovers, and she can feel his breath on her lips still. She opens her eyes, and he’s smiling at her smugly.

“Together?” he asks, as his hand takes hers. He’s asking more than about a council meeting, than whether or not they’re a team, he’s asking something more important and more meaningful. So she squeezes his hand once.

“Together,” she agrees, and then she turns her shoulder into him, nudging him. “Now go organise a council meeting so we can get out of here.” Bellamy laughs and leaves, smiling at her over his shoulder as he goes. She takes a moment, touching her fingers to her still tingling lips, smiling widely.

“So we can expect both of our fearless leaders to be a little more relaxed now?” Murphy asks from the bed behind her. She rolls her eyes at him.

“Shut up, Murphy,” Clarke tells him. And then she pauses. “How’s your head? You really need to drink more water on walks.” He snorts, getting up out of the cot and walking towards her.

“Sure thing, doc,” Murphy tells her, mocking, but she sees past it now, not that he’d ever want her to.

“Water, Murphy, I’m serious. You dehydrate, you die, and then I’ve got to dig a grave, and I don’t have time for that,” Clarke replies, and she thinks he understands that she cares when he gives her a nod before he leaves. They’re a group of really dysfunctional, messed up individuals that have been told they’re disposable for way too long, but they’re family now. All of them. Even then murderous assholes like Murphy. God, Wells would tell her she’s losing her mind, and maybe she is. Nothing’s without risks, and the ground is terrifying, but the ocean, with her family, with Bellamy? Clarke bites back a smile as she organises supplies. It’s not hope, and it’s not striving or fighting, like how she feels so often. It’s just… there. Contentment, she thinks, almost in wonder. I’m content.

 

“Even if we make peace with the Grounders, we’re still fighting the Mountain Men. They have gas that knocks us out, they wield the acid fog - have you seen it? What it can do to a person? Because we have. And I’m telling you we can’t fight this,” Bellamy tells them, at his most impassioned, and Clarke’s amazed that they’re still frowning.

“We went back to the bunker and found more weapons, more ammunition,” Kane says. “We can negotiate with the Mountain Men, offer them blood transfusions for supplies. We can negotiate with the Grounders for land and peace, and protection-” Bellamy cuts him off by slamming a fist on the metal table. The adults jump, and the blonde woman adjusts her grip on the gun. Clarke steps forward, placing palms on the table in front of her, leaning in. Bellamy steps back, letting her speak.

“Do you really think the Grounders will make peace with us if we make peace with their enemies? How long you have been on the ground? Two weeks? We were here a month before you arrived and we’ve learned that they are a proud people who aren’t going to accept that,” Clarke says, trying to stay calm. “We need to leave. It is the only way we’re going to survive. Lincoln has said that there are a people that are more tolerant to outsiders. If we say we’re another tribe from the ground, we get a chance to live.”

“We’ve got some elderly among us, and children. And we won’t have the structure of the station to keep us safe. No electricity. We’d be walking out into the unknown,” Abby says, and Clarke makes a fist, and Bellamy steps forward again.

“I understand. Believe me, I do. We were faced with this choice before, when the Grounder army was attacking and we had some advanced warning. I thought if we left we might never find anywhere safer, but Clarke’s right. This is our best chance at survival. We can’t fight two wars when we don’t even have enough housing to survive winter,” Bellamy says. Clarke watches the chancellors, sharing a look and shaking their heads. She glances up at Bellamy. We have to leave, Clarke says. He agrees with a glance, and the face the chancellors together.

“We’re leaving tomorrow morning. We’re taking our people with us. If you can spare any supplies, we’ll be grateful. We’ll take anyone who wants to come with us. But we aren’t staying,” Bellamy says. Abby looks at Clarke desperately.

“You’re leaving? But… I just got you back,” Abby says. Kane stands.

“This is treason. You are citizens of the Ark. In accordance with the Exodus Charter-,” Kane says.

“We are not citizens of the Ark. You floated us down here to die. We don’t belong to you,” Bellamy says, and his voice is cold and threatening in the way that Clarke remembers from those first days. Her mother’s looking at her like she’s a stranger, and maybe she is now.

“I can’t let you do that, son,” Kane says. Bellamy glares at him.

“I’m not your son, and this is not your call,” Bellamy says through ground teeth. The guard shifts her grip on her gun again, and Clarke can tell she’s itching for a fight, waiting for Kane’s command.

“A leader has to do what they think is right,” Clarke says softly. “And we think this is right, for us, for our people. We don’t want to end this badly, we’d like to retain a friendship with those that choose to stay. Bellamy and I, we’ve had to make a lot of decisions since we’ve landed. We’ve learned a lot about who we are, the resourcefulness and strength of our people. If we thought we could survive, we’d stay here with you. As it is, we’re happy to spend today sharing all of our knowledge with you before we leave tomorrow. But we can’t live under the Exodus Charter, and we can’t live on the door step of two enemies who can wipe us out whenever they feel like it.” She’s looking intently forward, but Clarke can feel Bellamy standing beside her, the his shoulder just behind hers. He’s so close she can feel the warmth of him, and she feels safe with him at her side. Abby and Kane are looking at each other, whispering softly. Clarke steps back into Bellamy, pressing her shoulder against his, looking up. If we go to lock up, we go shouting at her people to leave us behind, she can see in Bellamy’s eyes, and she knows she’s sending approval back at him.

“We will give you no supplies,” Kane says. “Your crimes have been pardoned, and we stand by that. I can’t promise you will be welcomed back.” Clarke nods once, confirming. They hadn’t really expected to walk out fully armed, but they knew enough to make weapons, and she was sure they could manage to slip out a few knives.

“We’re leaving in the morning,” Bellamy says firmly. Abby pleads with her eyes.

“Clarke, you could stay here with us,” Abby offers. She can feel Bellamy stiffen beside her.

“You could come with us,” Clarke replies.

“No,” Kane cuts in. “She can’t. None who did not  fall to earth with you can leave with you.” Bellamy glared, and Clarke felt sick in a flash.

“Raven. She’s one of us,” Clarke says. “She comes with us, if she wants to.”

“She can’t walk,” Abby protested. But Kane looks thoughtful.

“She came down illegally,” he says after a moment. “But Sterling says she’s a genius.” Clarke narrows her eyes.

“Raven’s not a resource for you to tap. She’s a person, and she’s one of us,” Clarke bites out.

“All people are resources, Clarke,” Kane tells her, superiority in his tone and Clarke wants to hit him. “If you haven’t learned that perhaps you are not ready to make the hard decisions that come with leadership.”

“You don’t know anything about Clarke, or her ability to make hard choices. I’ve seen her bleeding from the eyes and helping others first, seen her kill someone who was dying slowly, seen her stubbornly save lives even when no one else believed she could. The only decisions she makes are hard ones,” Bellamy shouted, coming forward, stepping between Clarke and the table that separated them from the chancellors. Clarke feels a rush of love rise within her, so unmistakably love that she wondered how she ever thought she felt anything for anyone in the past.

“And what about you, Bellamy Blake, the janitor who shot Jaha? What makes you a good leader?” Kane asks, derisive, Bellamy scowls, but Clarke places a hand on his back, steady, she thought to him, and she felt him relax.

“Chancellors, with all due respect, we have what we came here for. This isn’t helping anyone. Raven is one of us. If she wants to come with us, I will carry her myself. But you don’t get to question who we are as leaders, the decisions we have to make, with nothing but your vile and brutal Exodus Charter. We’re family. And I’d like to see you try and stop Raven from doing anything she wants to do,” Clarke says, firm, strong, steady. She wishes she could have the quiet authority of her father, but she knows that it is her mother’s force of will that burns in her. Abby and Kane share a look, and Abby visibly deflates. Clarke knows they’ve won.

“You leave in the morning,” Kane agrees. “Tell us everything you know.”

 

Two hours later, Abby catches Clarke’s arm as they’re leaving. Bellamy freezes, looking back at her. And Clarke knows that he’ll stay, or fight for her, or leave if she asks. That together means they’re more than a team, and she feels safer than she remembers being since she was a small girl in her father’s arms. Clarke glances back at Abby, and sees the grief in her eyes.

“Five minutes,” Clarke says, and he nods, walking out. She turns back to face her mother.

“Please don’t go,” Abby whispers. “I just got you back, baby girl.” Clarke shakes her head sadly.

“I love you, I do. I don’t… I don’t forgive you yet and I’m so glad you’re alive. But Mom, I have to do this,” Clarke replies, and she tries not to cry, not to feel like she’s losing her mother yet again.

“I told you, I told you when they sent you down here that you would try to take care of everyone, just like your father,” Abby says, stroking her hair. “I told you to look after yourself.”

“If you thought I could let them suffer, let them die to save my own skin, you don’t know me at all. But saving them saves me. They are hunters and people who did well in Earth skills, and engineers, and kids from agro. Keeping them alive, healthy, keeps me fed, clothed, and sheltered. We’re a family, and family works together to survive,” Clarke tells her. Tears roll down Abby’s face, and Clarke steps in to hold her.

“I’m your mother, I’m your family,” Abby says softly. Clarke begins to cry too.

“You always will be, but I need to be with them now,” Clarke replies. “I’m trying to do the right thing. They need me.” Abby nods, pulling back.

“You are so much like your father,” Abby tells her. And Clarke offers a small smile. She doesn’t feel like it’s true enough, a lot of the time. But Jake was the best man she ever knew, closely followed by Wells and Bellamy. Funny that those three were so different, and so similar.

“I’ll have something for you, something we can spare from the medbay before you go,” she adds. Clarke nods her thanks, and walks out of the cold metal of the ark and into the sun.

 

Bellamy’s waiting for her when she steps out into the light.

“Are you okay?” he asks, he extends his hand, reaching for hers, but not taking it. She closes the distance, links her fingers through his.

“We will be,” Clarke says. Bellamy nods, and she sighs, something light and free, remembering the first time the sun touched her skin, warmed her. She sees Miller, Monty, Harper, and Jasper move towards them. Then Fox, Monroe, and Murphy. Raven on her crutches, and Lincoln and Octavia hand in hand. Their people, gathering together in front of them.

“We’re going to the ocean,” Bellamy tells them, and he squeezes Clarke’s hand. “Lincoln said there are a people there that will help us.” Lincoln nods once, slowly, and Bellamy nods in return.

“It won’t be easy. But we think it is the best option. The ground is not safe. But we’re family, and we’re going to stick together,” Clarke says. “Together, we’re strong.” She looks over at Bellamy, and he smiles at her.

“Are Mom and Dad together?” Jasper whispers loudly enough for them to hear.

“Weren’t they always?” Monroe asks.

“Saw them kissing in medbay,” Murphy cuts in. “Definitely together.”  

“I totally knew he was in love with her,” Octavia says, giving Lincoln a little shove. Clarke looks over at Miller, and he’s smiling at them like he’s highly amused.

“We leave tomorrow morning,” Bellamy says, ignoring the chatter. “Find Arkers to tell what you’ve learned to. We’re not abandoning them like they abandoned us. But be ready to leave tomorrow, if you want to come with us.”

“This is your choice. But we’re going to the ocean. Who’s coming with us?” Clarke asks.

“Of course we’re all coming with you, morons,” Monty shouts. “We’re more interested in the dating.”

“Fine, we’re dating. Can we get a headcount on the ocean now?” Clarke huffs. And then she is surrounded with laughter, applause, hugs, her people, her friends, her family are pressing in around her, hugging her and Bellamy, reunited, together, at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is technically the final chapter. But I will write an epilogue. 
> 
> You know, we did actually have a long conversation about where this would go. We plotted chapters. But it hasn't taken us where we expected. 
> 
> I know I'm having them run away from things instead of sorting through the issues, but I am not the right person to write this fic, the politics and the intensity. Relationships, banter, dialogue, that's my wheelhouse.
> 
> So I'm sorry if this hasn't lived up to expectations, or you've been disappointed by the choices we've made. But honestly, it was meant to be ten chapters and we have no idea what happened. And we're rushing it to finish it off. But hey, a poorly finished fic is better than an unended fic in my opinion! 
> 
> Epilogue will hopefully be here in a week, or more likely in two. 
> 
> Reviews are loved and appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> We recently discovered that Miller was amazing and had so much depth and was such an interesting character... and this 'what if' appeared... so we decide to give it a shot. ClarkexMiller is NOT our otp... so you can probably except a heavy helping of bellarke that may be worth sticking around for, but when we get there, I will add that into the relationships. 
> 
> Let us know what you think! Which will probably be integral to us actually finishing this thing.
> 
>  
> 
> ladyugh also discovered this gif set which only spurred on our feels:  
> http://aromanticlexa.tumblr.com/post/101457037437/it-should-be-enough-that-she-trusts-you-youd


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